Mel Brooks - The Inquisition lyrics

(Torquemada Slides down to the monks) [Verse 1] The Inquistion, let's begin The Inquistion, look out sin We have a mission to convert the Jews (Jew ja Jew ja Jew ja Jews) We're gonna teach them wrong from right We're gonna help them see the light And make an offer that they can't refuse (that the Jews just can't refuse) [Refrain] Confess (confess, confess) Don't be boring Say yes (say yes, say yes) Don't be dull A fact you're ignoring It's better to lose your skullcap than your skull Oy oy gevalt [Hook] The Inquistion, what a show The Inquistion, here we go We know you're wishing That we'd go away But the Inquistion's here and it's here to stay The Inquistion, oh boy The Inquistion, what a joy The Inquistion, oy oy [Interlude Part 1: First Jewish Man] I was sitting in a temple I was minding my own business I was listening to a lovely Hebrew ma** Then these papus persons plunge in, and they throw me in a Dungeon, and they shove a red hot poker up my a** Is that considerate? Is that polite? And not a tube of Preparation H in sight [Interlude Part 2: Second Jewish Man] I'm sitting, plicking chickens and I'm looking through the pickings and suddenly these guys bring down my balls I didn't even know them and they grabbed me by the scrotum and they started playing ping pong with my balls Oy, the agony Ooh, the shame To make my privates public for a game [Hook] The Inquistion, what a show The Inquistion, here we go We know you're wishing That we'd go away But the Inquistion's here and it's here to - [Verse 2] - Hey, Torquemada, whaddaya say? I just got back from the auto-da-fé Auto-da-fé, what's an auto-da-fé? It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway [Interlude 2] Skit skat voodely vat tootin de day Will you convert? No, no, no, no Will you confess? No, no, no, no Will you revert? No, no, no, no Will you say yes? No, no, no, no Now I ask in a nice way, I said pretty please, I bent their ears Now I'll work on their knees! (Whacks their knees with two mallets) [Verse 3] Hey, Torquemada, walk this way We got a little game that you might wanna play So pull that handle, try your luck Who knows, Torq, you might win a buck! Alright! (Spins the wheel, get's three j**s in a row like a slot machine) [Interlude 3] Put it in the car (Whispered to another, who whispers it to another, that man to another, etc.) How we doing? Any converts today? Not a one, nay, nay, nay We've flattened their fingers We branded their buns Nothing is working Send in the nuns! (The nuns walk in, a giant block rises and the nuns partake in a swimming show, the j**ish men go down a slide and are promptly drowned. It ends with the nuns coming back up with lights on their head and it turns out to take the shape of a menorah) [Hook] The Inquistion, what a show The Inquistion, here we go We know you're wishing That we'd go away So, c'mon you Moslems and you Jews We got big news for all of yous You better change your point of views today Cause the Inquistion's here and it's here to stay