Matthew Weiner - Mad Men: Lucky Strike Pitch lyrics

INT. STERLING COOPER BOARD ROOM. AFTERNOON. The large table in the board room is covered with ashtrays. LEE GARNER JUNIOR, a forty-ish tobacco magnate, and his father, LEE GARNER SENIOR, sit flanked with other tobacco executives. Across the table, Roger, Don, and Pete listen patiently to LEE GARNER Sr.'s lilting southern anger. LEE GARNER SENIOR: I just don't know what we have to do to make these government interlopers happy. They tell us to build a safer cigarette, and we do it. Then suddenly, that's not good enough. LEE GARNER JUNIOR: We might as well be living in Russia. He coughs. Suddenly, a round of spontaneous coughing begins among all of the people in the board room. It dies down. LEE GARNER SENIOR: Damn straight. You know this morning, I got a call from my competitors at Brown & Williamson, and they're getting sued by the federal government because of the health claims they made. ROGER: We're aware of that, Mr. Garner. But you have to realize that through manipulation of the ma** media, the public is under the impression that your cigarettes are linked to... certain fatal diseases. LEE GARNER SENIOR: Manipulation of the media? That's what I hired you for. Our product is fine. I smoke them myself. LEE GARNER JUNIOR: My Granddad smoked them. He died at 95 years old. He was hit by a truck. ROGER: I understand, but our hands are tied. We are no longer allowed to advertise that "Lucky Strikes" are safe. LEE GARNER SENIOR: So what the hell are we going to do? We already funded our own tobacco research center to put this whole rumor to rest. ROGER: And that's a great start. But it may not affect sales. Don, I think that's your cue. Don opens up a folder, it's filled with blank pages. He pretends to shuffle the pages around, stalling. DON: Well, I... I've really thought about this. And hell, you know I'm a "Lucky Strike" man from way back... From Don's POV, we see the anxious stares of all those at the table. In slow motion, cigarettes are being lit and men are exhaling. A bead of sweat forms on Don's brow. His heart is pounding in his ears. Suddenly, the silence is broken by Pete's voice. PETE: I might have a solution. Don does not seem relieved as Pete takes the stage. Roger catches Don's eye, but Don looks away. PETE (CONT'D): At Sterling Cooper, we've been pioneering the burgeoning the field of research. And our an*lysis shows that the health risks a**ociated with your products is not the end of the world. As the executives look at each other curiously, Don sees Pete is reading from Greta's report. PETE (CONT'D): People get in their cars everyday to go to work, and some of them die. Cars are dangerous. There's nothing you can do about it. You still have to get where you're going. Cigarettes are exactly the same. Why don't we simply say, "So what if cigarettes are dangerous?" You're a man. The world is dangerous. Smoke your cigarette-- You still have to get where you're going. LEE GARNER JUNIOR: That's very interesting. I mean, if cigarettes were dangerous, that would be interesting. Roger looks around nervously to see if they're going to bite. LEE GARNER SENIOR: Except they aren't. Is that your slogan? "You're going to die anyway. Die with us."? PETE: Actually, it's a fairly well established psychological principal that society has a "d**h Wish". And if we could tap into that, the market potential-- LEE GARNER SENIOR: What the hell are you talking about? Why not just write "cancer" on the package? Are you insane? I'm not selling rifles. I'm in the tobacco business-- I'm selling America. The Indians gave it to us for sh**'s sake. LEE GARNER JUNIOR: Come on, Dad. Let's get out of here, (they stand up) the bright spot is, at least we know that if we have this problem, everybody has this problem. Don's ears perk up at this last comment. He lets it sink in. DON: Gentlemen, before you leave, can I say something? ROGER: I don't know. Can you, Don? DON: The Federal Trade Commission and "Reader's Digest" have done you a favor. They've let you know that any ad that brings up the concept of health and cigarettes together, well, it just makes people think of cancer. LEE GARNER SENIOR (sarcastic): Yes, and we're grateful to them. DON: But, what Lee Junior said is right. If you can't make health claims, neither can your competitors. LEE GARNER SENIOR: Great, so we got a lot of people not saying anything that sells cigarettes. DON: Not exactly. This is the greatest advertising opportunity since the invention of cereal. We have six identical companies with six identical products... We can say anything we want. The men sit down, interested. Don walks over to a black board. DON: How do you make your cigarettes? LEE GARNER JUNIOR I don't know. LEE GARNER SENIOR (to his son) Shame on you. (to Don) LEE GARNER SENIOR (CONT'D): We breed insect-resistant tobacco seeds, plant ‘em in the North Carolina sunshine, grow it, cut it, cure it, toast it, treat it-- DON: There you go. Don writes on the board: "Lucky Strike - It's 'Toasted'." The men all look at it, not sure how to react. LEE GARNER JUNIOR: But everybody else's tobacco is toasted. DON: No. Everybody else's tobacco is poisonous. "Lucky Strike" is toasted. Roger's face lights with a slow smile of pride and awe. ROGER: Gentlemen, I don't have to tell you what you've just witnessed here. LEE GARNER JUNIOR: I think you do. Don gathers his thoughts and lowers his voice. DON: Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And you know what happiness is? Don looks out the window into the setting sun, almost lost. DON (CONT'D): Happiness is the smell of a new car... It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams with rea**urance that whatever you're doing is okay. (almost to himself) You are okay. The tobacco people look at each other with understanding and relief. LEE GARNER SENIOR (quietly impressed): "It's 'Toasted'." I get it. Don underlines the slogan with the chalk. As he turns and looks over at Pete's disappointed face, he smiles and taps out a cigarette.