Matthew Ebel - Everybody Needs a Robot lyrics

(Note: The other voice in this song is Proto-1) (All right, here we go) Everybody needs a robot - something I have always said Everybody needs a friend who's got a shiny metal head Everybody needs a robot - even if you've found someone Now and then you need a friend with hormones made from mobil-1 (Absolutely) They never need to do their hair or change their metal underwear And robots never seem to care if you stay out 'till one They never seem to get depressed unless they're stressed And frankly that's less common than a politician shooting a friend with someone's gun (How often does that happen?) Everybody needs a robot (That's right) that will tell you you're the best Even narcissists and rappers need to get things off their chests (We're here for you) Everybody needs a robot - that's a simple fact of life Ira Levin even found a way to make one for a wife (Ewww) They dance a funky robot way Caucasians try to imitate But mostly just humiliate themselves and all their friends They mop the floor inside your home and call you on the telephone When you're alone to ask you if you'd like to own a used Mercedes-Benz Everybody needs a robot (Absolutely!) Robots never make you cry Human friends will wither but your robot pal will never die (That's right!) Everybody needs a robot with some shiny little lights So that you can see if there's a robot watching you at night (And we are!) They shave our beards and wake us up, they fill your empty coffee cup And when you want 'em to shut up just turn the volume down (Hey!) They scan your luggage, and your school, they take your cash when you refuel And even clean your swimming pool, 'cause if you held your breath that long you'd drown Everybody needs a robot on the dashboard of their car If you try to drive yourself, you won't be getting very far (Turn left now) Everybody needs a robot - artificial friends are neat Just like every robot needs a friend who's mostly made of meat Some are tiny, some are pocket sized, and some are darn-near rocket-sized In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they were bigger still They make our cars, they heal our cuts, they even save our fleshy bu*ts From other robots who've gone nuts and come here from the future dressed to k** Spoken: (You realise of course that not every robot needs a human, right?) Well that's, that's not what the songs about. You know, I mean, every- every human does need a robot (Well, yeah, of course. I mean, you need a robot to play ba** for you) Well, okay, so I can't play base. What's wrong with that? (Oh, nothing I'm just sayin') Okay, so. Every human needs a robot. They do come in handy. But, I don't know, I think every human Every robot might need a human, too (Not...really...) Well, what if something breaks? (Well, we have other robots to fix us. Or I can just fix myself) What if you get knocked, like, completely unconscious or something? You know, like one of your circuits fry? (Well, what happens if you get knocked unconscious? Or your brain...overloads?) You know, my brain's starting to overload just thinking about this (Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should just, y'know, play the next song) Yeah, that's probably a good idea