Matpat - How to Beat a Monkey at Chess: THE MUSICAL lyrics

[Markiplier] This piece takes that piece, but that piece then takes mine... I can't lose my rook while I'm lagging way behind! I'll play safe and wait for an opportunity... I won't let that cheeky monkey make a monkey out of me! [Markiplier] You gotta be kidding me [MatPat] Hey, Mark! What you up to? [Markiplier] I'm uh- [MatPat] Chess with a monkey, huh? [Markiplier] Yeah [MatPat] Need any help? [Markiplier] I think I can beat, one little monkey How much time you got? [MatPat] Well, lucky for you, your old pal MatPat just so happened to be the captain of his high school chess team They used to call me the PAWN-Star [Markiplier] Uh... [MatPat] Yep [MatPat] Wait, Mark! Don't take it! That monkey's set a trap! [Markiplier] He wants me to take it? [MatPat] He thinks you're quite a sap But check out this Bishop! You'll take his piece for free! [Markiplier] And that monkey's got no chance to make a monkey out of me! [Markiplier] Smartest show in gaming, huh? [MatPat] Hey! It was just a theory [The Completionist] Alright kids, playtime is over! [MatPat] Is that The Completionist? [The Completionist] In the beard! [Markiplier] Look guys, I think I got this, okay? [The Completionist] You do now [The Completionist] Let's set a gambit! We'll take him by surprise... [MatPat] Not really an option... [Markiplier] He took, like, half my guys... [The Completionist] Let's bring in the big guns and force his King to flee- [Markiplier] -so that monkey doesn't further make a monkey out of me! [The Completionist] Welp. That's all I got [MatPat] What?! [Markiplier] But you're The COMPLETIONIST [The Completionist] Yeah, and I'm completely lousy at chess [MatPat] Maybe we should just let the monkey win [Markiplier] No, that's okay, I appreciate it But I really, TRULY, do not need anyone's help [AJ] Help?! Did somebody need help? [MatPat] Who is that? [AJ] Hey J. I'm AJ- [Markiplier] No-one important [AJ] Oh sweet, is that a monkey? [The Completionist] No, it's a hairy octopus [AJ] Oh you guys, I can translate! I'm fluent in monkey! [MatPat] Okay, I'm pretty sure that's impossible [Markiplier] No no, you know what? Sure. Fine. Why don't we try it? Go ahead [AJ] (Monkey noises) [MatPat] I'm pretty sure it's our turn [Markiplier] Look, gentlemen. We're here gathered today as representatives of humanity, against a MONKEY How long have we been oppressed? [MatPat] Two minutes, forty-one seconds? [Markiplier] No more. No longer, we've been under the monkey's thumb for too long. We can BEAT this monkey. For our fathers. For our forefathers. For your beard. For his not-beard. For whatever you're name is. A billion monkeys at a typewriter might be able to write Shakespeare but one monkey will not beat us today. I may ramble and not know what I'm talking about all the time, but we can WIN. Together as one [All] YEAH!!! [MatPat] One of these pieces... [AJ] ...has got to do the trick... [The Completionist] But how can we beat him? [Markiplier] I'd recommend a stick... [AJ] It's crazy... [MatPat] Bananas- [The Completionist] Insane! [Markiplier] Completely nuts...! [The Completionist] -but I think we made a monkey out of- [MatPat] -completely made a monkey out of- [AJ] We finally didn't let a monkey [All] Make a monkey out of us! [Markiplier] Checkmate! [All] YEAH! [Markiplier] Sore loser [Ryan] Wow! Chess seems pretty intense [Daniel] No kidding What?! Three in a row? [Ryan] Son of a- [Brightly the dog] (Whimper) [Ryan] I was... gonna say gun [Daniel] Okay, you know what? Let's try this again Best out of twelve