Mathew Baynton - Celtic Boast Battle lyrics

INT. CAMP There's a group of celts around a bonfire drinking CELT #1: 100 Roman soliders lay dead on the beach, who'd slayed them? I am the greatest warrior who has ever lived! OTHER CELTS: Yeah! CELT #2: Warriors! Hey, how's it going? I bring tidings of great victory. Surely there is know other warrior in the land who can match me, huh? CELT #1: I am the most fearsome warrior to walk the lands of the living (pulls out sword) so I think we've got a problem. CELT #2: I think there's only one way to settle this. OTHER CELTS: Boast battle! (begin beatboxing) [CELT #1] So let's clear the air, grab a chair, I've got flair, when I fight a bear I rip off its skin for my wife to wear I did it for a dare, I'm your worst nightmare Look close, check out my facial hair [CELT #2] Relax, face facts A fight with you would be an anticlimax When you go to war, you don't take off your slacks Look at me, I'm tough, I fight in the buff I could say more but I've said enough so... [OTHER CELTS] Boast Battle! [CELT #1] Have some grace, shut your face! [OTHER CELTS] Boast Battle! [CELT #1] Cause, Braedon boy, you're well off the pace! Seems to me that you're not even sk**ed I could fill a lake with the blood I've spilled I decorate my house with heads of men I've k**ed I'd stab you right now but I'm trying to chill. [CELT #2] Yeah, you got a brain but you've just got one, I've got five on my belt from the battles I've won In a rage, on a rampage I've k**ed more men then old age so... [OTHER CELTS] Boast Battle! [CELT #2] And I've only just begun! [OTHER CELTS] Boast Battle! [CELT #2] And I'm not even done! [CELT #1] You're just k**ing the enemy, that's lazy I k** my own people, I'm that crazy I go berserk and my eyes go glazy I get so mad I could stab a daisy (but I won't 'cause that would be stupid). [CELT #2] Alright, alright, stop! Think a while! Look at your style, man, that's vile! You look like you've been dressed by a reptile You're a steaming pile, I'm dressed like a king I wear a torc round my neck when I'm doing my k**ing And on my finger, I'm wearing a ring When I said I fight nude I wasn't counting my bling! Yo! [OTHER CELTS] Boast Battle! [CELT #2] Oh! And I paint myself blue! [OTHER CELTS] Boast Battle! [CELT #2] That is way, way cooler than you! [CELT #1] So much better than you that you ought to bow I'd offer to fight you but you wouldn't know how Enough with the talk, yeah, let's end this now I can sum it all up in just one word... (stabs CELT #2) CELT #2: Oww! (runs away) Mum!