[MICHAEL] My daughter is marrying an idiot! How could she stoop so low? My daughter is marrying a nincompoop! She love him, but even so... I thought I had taught her what to expect For someone as fine as she: A man with some fire, some brains and some tact! Someone, in fact, like me! My daughter is marrying an idiot! The stupidest of men And I wish she were just My own little girl again! Marriage is a sacrament Which is just a way to say That a very private thing is done In a very public way You stand among your neighbors Like a lamb before the slaughter And watch some village idiot Take away your daughter The groom has got a family That sits around and gapes And bears a strange resemblance To anthropoidal apes! It's like some sort of nightmare And the thought that really k**s: Not only must you suffer But you have to pay the bills! My daughter is marrying an idiot The stupidest of men! And I wish she were just My own little girl again! (Agnes begins crying.) [MICHAEL, spoken] Agnes, Agnes, dear, are you alright? [AGNES, spoken] Of course I'm alright, this is the happiest day of my life! [BOTH] When the kids get married All of our duties will be done When the kids get married We can have some fun [MICHAEL] All of a sudden We'll be free [AGNES] Think how happy We will be [BOTH] I'm glad they're married now