Mark R Slaughter - Her Bum lyrics

‘Does my bum look big in this? ' She glared. I gulped and stared upon the floor. I must escape; the bedroom door Was open. ‘Run! ' my senses cried. But I was numb – nerves were fried! ‘Well? ' She scowled. I sought a subterfuge. ‘It's absolutely huge! ' I thought – But how to tell her that–? A short And blighted life she'd wreak on me. And so to Wife, on bended knee I prayed ‘Oh please release me from this hell! ' She gave a yell: ‘So is it big? ' I looked again – a mammoth rig Was hanging down – but how to say? An honest man would surely pay! I stuttered ‘Err... well, yes it's nice.' Her voice was ice: ‘But in this? ' I tried diversion with a kiss. ‘I love you' also burbled out – but I was heading for a rout. I drew a breath. ‘Be a man! ' I growled Inside this howling, quaking head. ‘Well actually love, ' and now I'm dead, ‘It's colossal – a real whopper... ' The bedroom shook; I couldn't stop her. I daren't publish anymore…