Mark Kozelek - Carissa lyrics

Oh Carissa, when I first saw you, you were a lovely child And the last time I saw you, you were fifteen and pregnant and running wild I remember wondering, could there be a light at the end of your tunnel? But I left Ohio then and had pretty much forgotten all about you I guess you were there some years ago at a family funeral But you were one of so many relatives I didn't know which one was you Yesterday morning I woke up to so many 330 area code calls I called my mom back and she was in tears and asked had I spoke to my father? Carissa burned to d**h last night in a freak accident fire In her yard in Brewster Her daughter came home from a party and found her Same way as my uncle, who was her grandfather An aerosol can blew up in the trash Goddamn, what were the odds? She was just getting ready To go to her midnight shift as an RN in Wadsworth And she vanished up in flames like that But there had to be more to her life's worth Everyone's grieving, out of their minds Making arrangements and taking d** But I'm flying out there tomorrow Because I need to give and get some hugs Cause I got questions that I'd like to get answered I may never get them, but Carissa I've got to know, how did it happen? Carissa was thirty-five You don't just raise two kids and take out your trash and die She was my second cousin I didn't know her well at all but it don't mean that I wasn't Meant to find some poetry To make some sense of this, to find a deeper meaning In this senseless tragedy, O Carissa I'll sing your name across every sea Were you doing someone else's chores for them? Were you just k**ing time Finding things to do all by your lonesome? Was it even you who mistakenly put flammables in the trash? Was it your kids just being kids? If so, the guilt they will carry around forever Well I'm going out there to get a look at the landscapes To get a look at those I'm connected by blood And see how it all may have shaped me Well I'm going out there though I'm not really needed I'm just so broken up about it How is it that this sad history repeated? I'll return to Ohio, to the place I was spawned Going to see where I hung with my cousins And played with them in the snow and fished in their ponds Going to see how they've grown, visit some graves And say, "Hey, I've missed you" Going to find out as much as I can About my little second cousin Carissa Gonna go to Ohio, where I was born Got a 10:45 AM flight, I'm leaving tomorrow morn Going to see my aunts and uncles, my parents and sisters Mostly I'm going to pay my respects to my little second cousin Carissa Going to Ohio, where I feel I belong Ask those who know the most about Carissa For it is her life and d**h that I am helplessly drawn Carissa was thirty-five, raised kids since she was fifteen years old and suddenly died Next to an old river, fire pit, oh there's gotta be more than that to it She was only my second cousin but it don't mean that I'm not here for her or that I wasn't Meant to give her life poetry, or to make sure her name is known across every city