Mark Douglas - Emo vampire lyrics

Ill never be an emo vampire Setting tweenaged loins on fire Ive got nothing in common with the vampires of today They gaze at girls And pout and brood And then just run away This Twilight hack thinks she can come along And change the Vampire rules I guess sleeping in coffins and wearing capes Suddenly isnt cool Girls won't climb up trees with me Or canoodle in the gra** And when I play Vampire baseball I always get picked last VAMPIRE Ah come on Seriously dudes Thats a human you just picked over me Ive seduced all kinds of women from all over the world But now the only dates I get Are with chunky gothic girls When did all these Vampires Become abstinent and whiny When I walk into the sun I dont get all bright and shiny Vampires dont have purity rings Like undead Jonas Brothers If I can't score with these high school girls Perhaps Ill go for their mothers VAMPIRE Why not? When youre 600 years old theres no such thing as a cougar Ill never be an emo vampire Setting tweenaged loins on fire Ill have no participation In this vampire pussification So wake me up when the world grows a pair of fangs VAMPIRE You thought I was going to say balls didn't you?