Marc Gunn - When The Dairy Farm Caught Fire lyrics

Some friends and I in a milkman's truck Were eating catnip one night When into the truck a tomcat jumped His scraggly face gone white. "What's up", says Tom, "Have you seen a dog, Or has our milkman retired?" "Milkman retired? Fft hiss!", says he, "The dairy farms' on fire!" And there were toms stretched up and down Lappin' up the milk on the floor. "My Cream, Cream!" the farmer cried As he came knockin' on the door (clap clap) Oh don't let him in till it's all lapped up Then somebody shouted Mreow! MREOW! And we all drank milk till the cows came home When the dairy farm caught fire. "Mew," says Tom, "What a bit of luck! Everybody follow me And it's out to the barn If the fire's there Then we'll have milk for free." We chased Tom down nipping his heels Then into the milk pond flipped And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more Till we were all quite 'nipped. Percy sauntered over to a water pail And pawed at it as he gagged (cough cough) Started takin' off his flea collar Likewise his rabies tags. "Hold on, " says Tom, "that ain't allowed Ya can't do that thing here. Why go washing your tags in the wat'ring trough When milk's coming out our ears?" Then there came from the old barn door A collie from across the street And when he saw three hundred cats He took a ringside seat He nipped at tails in good clean fun Splashed milk on a cat or three And just to show there was no harm done, He licked their whiskers clean. And then there came a mighty splash Fur flew to and fro Leaping from the rafters' flames Into the pails below. "Well, we're safe here," a Persian mewed Paddling in the foam, "This here's a bath I'd get used to They won't believe back home!" When the sun came up, the fire was out We rolled across the floor The barn was burned. The milk was drunk. There wasn't any more. Tom stretched his legs, said, "Good job, lads!" Raised his tail up higher, "There's dairies all along this road. Let's set them all on fire!"