What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not who I want to be I tried spot cream an' I tried it all I'm crawling up the wall! What's my name name, name, name I tried to join a ping-pong club, Sign on the door said all full up! I got nicked, fighting in the road An' the judge didn't even know What's my name Dad got pissed so I got clocked Couldn't hear the Tannoy so he lost the lot Offers Mum a bribe through the letter box Drives you f**ing mad What's my name Now I'm round the back of your house at night Peeping in the window are you sleeping tight? I laugh at your locks with my celloid strip An' you won't know who came What's my name