Poor old designer dog was never ever meant to be Poor old designer dog, so hairy he can barely see Poor old designer dog, he's cooking underneath the shag Poor old designer dog, he doesn't have a tail to wag But designer dog makes me look good As I power walk the neighbourhood He's so ugly and bizarre He helps us all forget how dull we are One designer dog's so thin His bones and organs poke out of his skin He trembles like a leaf No pedigree could cover up his grief Poor old designer dog was never ever meant to be Poor old designer dog, so hairy he can barely see Poor old designer dog, designed to waddle, wheeze and drool Poor old designer dog, he doesn't have a sleigh to pull But designer dog co-ordinates With all the latest fashion plates But when he is no longer chic He'll be down the pound within a week One designer dog's insane He's been so inbred he's got no brain Except a tiny smear Enough to make him bite you on the ear You've gotta get a little bit of hybrid vigour In your litter to make it fitter You've gotta get a mutt You've gotta get a mongrel!