He works in a bank from nine to five Then he goes for a wa*k and a sneaky hand jive He's bald as a coot, coz he plays pink flute, he's a slap-head and a baldy He's right down to the wood He won't get herpes (hairpiece) he can't pull fluff We call him fairy, rear admiral, poof He drinks Dubonnet, he don't understand He's happily married to his left and right hands Al O'Peesha, I think that Duncan Goodhew wants to meet you He's the one with the shiny pate, flogs his bishop, never ever copulates His hair falls out whеn he masturbates, Duncan Goodhew's a vеry good mate He was thinner than Yul Brynner, smoother than Kojack But he supped some Boddies (somebody's) bitter, and his thatch grew back Now there's fanny all around him, he's always pulling crack But he used to be a ginger and the new bit's grown back black