[Verse 1] Listen up I'm here to lay down the rules of breaking up With you girlfriend at the end of relationship There's lots of things you can do and many ways you can do it I'll only give you ideas you'll have to walk yourself through it This is not for players, I repeat, Do not try this at home If the chick that your with is only so your dick can get boned (This is serious business) Only follow through if you've been in a horrifying partnership for at least a year or two Moving on And if your girl is carrying your seed Don't even waste your time listening to me No Yeah If you want to ditch her cause she's not a freak when she's in the sheets? Go to the nudie bars and learn how to teach I'm talking to you n***as with chicks who are gold diggers and brew Cheated on you, Conceited and getting greedy on you You know what you're doing Just every five minute, get your limits on your chilling Smoking weed or intake of Guinness This is for y'all The girls who take the dough, the keys to the car and be in the mall The only thing she buy you is a phone that only she can call Psycho chicks who like to scream in the street Chicks who get off on being beat b**hy as hell in front of your mom? Man that's weak If you live with her but she won't get a job and likes to eat Or if you've been with her mad long but outside she's still discreet Never mind, forget that last one, you don't count, beat concerns If she won't hold your hand in public?(That's not your girl) This is for men with psychos, fat girls with tight clothes Devil strippers and hoes who date grade in night clothes In condoms they break holes And all their friends are stray pigeons Listen, you getting f**ed is their favourite position I'mma help you out Tell you how to get rid of b**hes who only want you for your dick or your riches Telling you Just doubt before your sh** b**hes They ain't your sisters, they trife Whether your girl, fiancé or wife Get 'em out of your life [Hook] Man they gotta go I'm just trying to let you know How to break up with your girlfriend (Oh no) She trying to do you wrong (Uh-huh) Listen to the song(Why?) It's how to break up with your girlfriend (She's trife) So you better listen up (Word) You can get stuck or learn How to break up with your girlfriend (There's many ways man) Just pick one You gotta be done (I know) How to break up with your girlfriend [Verse 2] Number one, run Number two, threaten her with a gun Number three, just a synonym for one, flee Number four, when she goes out just lock the door Hang up a sign that says closed and keep it up there like you're running a store Five, never arrive on time, show up for dates two days late Never ever apologize and I'm eight Number six, constantly call her a b**h but in German Seven, start off every Sunday with a sermon Eight, masturbate, but only with her and only in public, in romantic restaurants (Baby rub it) Number nine, tell her "shove it" Ten, take it back, cry, say it again Number eleven, make her write an essay on seven If she won't, for number twelve Just tell the b**h that she's going straight to hell (I thought we were doing swell) There's no number thirteen cause I believe in superstition One four, make the back door your only position One five, tell her that you need it daily sixteen times Seventeen, tell her that you had a really bad dream It was in the office, beat her to d**h with a fax machine Eighteen, buy a fax Next, keep it by the bed Every morning when she wakes up, hold it over her head Number nineteen, tell her your becoming a priest Twenty, tell her that you want to live together, show her a lease Tell her that it's a surprise, tell her cover her eyes Lead her down a dark alley to a cardboard box Remove the blindfold, watch her just feint from shock Two one, tell her that you had a son when you was twelve Twenty-two, tell her that you're Melle Mel Twenty-three, every time that she lets go of your hand proclaim to the world "I'm free" Twenty-four, hit yourself repeatedly And finally when you get down to number twenty-five Look her straight in the eye and say "baby are you a guy" (breath through clenched teeth) Now look, if none of this works, remember I ain't tell you sh** Just tell her she's a bad job and you quit [Hook]