Louis CK - On Being White lyrics

Sorry I'm being so negative. I'm a bummer. I don't know--I shouldn't be. I'm a very, you know, lucky guy. I've got a lot going for me: I'm healthy, I'm relatively young, I'm white...which, thank God for that sh**, boy. That is a huge leg up. Are you kidding me? Oh, God, I love being white. I really do. Seriously, if you're not white, you're missing out. Because this sh** is thoroughly good. Let me be clear, by the way. I'm not saying that white people are better. I'm saying that being white is clearly better. Who could even argue? If it was an option, I would re-up every year. "Oh, yeah, I'll take 'white' again, absolutely. I've been enjoying that. I'm gonna stick with white, thank you." Here's how great it is to be white: I can get in a time machine and go to any time, and it would be f**ing awesome when I get there! That is exclusively a white privilege. Black people can't f** with time machines! A black guy in a time machine's like, "Hey, anything before 1980, no thank you. I don't want to go." But I can go to any time! The year 2. I don't even know what's happening then, but I know when I get there... "Welcome, we have a table right here for you, sir." "Thank you. Oh, it's lovely here in the year 2." I can go to any time--in the past. I don't want to go to the future and find out what happens to white people because we're gonna pay hard for this sh**, you got to know that. We're not going to just fall from number one to two. They're gonna hold us down and f** us in the a** forever. And we totally deserve it. But for now, wheeeeeeee! Now, if you're white and you don't admit that it's great, you're an a**hole. It is great. And I'm a man. How many advantages could one person have? I'm a white man. You can't even hurt my feelings! What can you really call a white man that really digs deep? "Hey, cracker." "Uh. Ruined my day. Boy shouldn't have called me a cracker. Bringing me back to owning land and people, what a drag."