She was born on a Monday night In my head, for my eyes In a theorem of Pythagoras Oh, oh, ho Fall asleep on the train Mr. J, he rots your brain You're not fun lest you pick up the pace Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Another cold night down on the Mare Kissin' boys and pretending to care Oh, it's the faculty of fears It's the faculty of fears And if your heart's screaming, "Take me home" Then hail a cab and please turn off your phone Oh, it's the faculty of fears It's the faculty of fears Drop your scarf in the mud Slacker Jack and coffee mugs Is your dorm room a romantic place? Oh, tell me, is it? All the hits and your favorite songs Through your ears and down your sarong If he's evil then why does he kiss? Another cold night down on the Mare Kissin' boys and pretending to care Oh, it's the faculty of fears It's the faculty of fears And if your heart's screaming, "Take me home" Then hail a cab and please turn off your phone Oh, it's the faculty of fears It's the faculty of fears Don't you feel better staying on your own? Sometimes it's better in your s*utty crone Listen to Lucia, a favored friend Pamela, sing for me Another cold night down on the Mare Kissin' boys and pretending to care Oh, it's the faculty of fear It's the faculty of fears And if your heart's screaming, "Take me home" Then hail a cab and turn off your phone Oh, it's the faculty of fears It's the faculty of fears Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh