Lifeguards - What Am I? lyrics

I woke up this morning just to see what I'd become oh what am I oh what am I looked up at my reflection told it 'get off of my thumb' oh what am I "Hi, I'm a fly" "A big, nasty hairy f**er" "wiping sh** off my legs right now" "Well the initial shock won't last long" said the doctor as he looked me in the eyes and the ensuing disgust with everything and self loathing will just be part of your new disguise what am I... what am I? what am I? what am I? I walked into space or maybe well, well, well below saw into the past, when life was but a gas waving at the astronauts I was cracking my meat, taking the heat they said, "be all you can be" and exactly what is that? what am I? I'm a racehorse on a golf course I'm a priest with a love ranch can tighten the harness snug as a wig worm quick as a whistle soft as a pom-pom I don't know you know life is what you build in how much time that you can cram point me in the right direction tell me what I am what am I? ooo what am I? what am I? what am I? what am I? what am I? ooooo what am I? what am I? yeah! what am I? hey! what am I? what am I! (repeated until end)