Lewis Carroll - The Pig's Tale lyrics

Little Birds are dining Warily and well Hid in mossy cell: Hid, I say, by waiters Gorgeous in their gaiters I've a Tale to tell Little Birds are feeding Justices with jam Rich in frizzled ham Rich, I say, in oysters Haunting shady cloisters That is what I am Little Birds are teaching Tigresses to smile Innocent of guile Smile, I say, not smirkle Mouth a semicircle That's the proper style Little Birds are sleeping All among the pins Where the loser wins Where, I say, he sneezes When and how he pleases So the Tale begins There was a Pig that sat alone Beside a ruined Pump By day and night he made his moan It would have stirred a heart of stone To see him wring his hoofs and groan Because he could not jump A certain Camel heard him shout A Camel with a hump "Oh, is it Grief, or is it Gout? What is this bellowing about?" That Pig replied, with quivering snout "Because I cannot jump!" That Camel scanned him, dreamy-eyed "Methinks you are too plump I never knew a Pig so wide That wobbled so from side to side Who could, however much he tried Do such a thing as jump! "Yet mark those trees, two miles away All clustered in a clump If you could trot there twice a day Nor ever pause for rest or play In the far future-Who can say You may be fit to jump." That Camel pa**ed, and left him there Beside the ruined Pump Oh, horrid was that Pig's despair! His shrieks of anguish filled the air He wrung his hoofs, he rent his hair Because he could not jump There was a Frog that wandered by A sleek and shining lump Inspected him with fishy eye And said "O Pig, what makes you cry?" And bitter was that Pig's reply "Because I cannot jump!" That Frog he grinned a grin of glee And hit his chest a thump "O Pig," he said, "be ruled by me And you shall see what you shall see This minute, for a trifling fee I'll teach you how to jump! "You may be faint from many a fall And bruised by many a bump But, if you persevere through all And practice first on something small Concluding with a ten-foot wall You'll find that you can jump!" That Pig looked up with joyful start "Oh Frog, you are a trump! Your words have healed my inward smart Come, name your fee and do your part Bring comfort to a broken heart By teaching me to jump!" "My fee shall be a mutton-chop My goal this wined Pump Observe with what an airy flop I plant myself upon the top! Now bend your knees and take a hop For that's the way to jump!" Uprose that Pig, and rushed, full whack Against the ruined Pump: Rolled over like an empty sack And settled down upon his back While all his bones at once went "Crack!" It was a fatal jump Little Birds are writing Interesting books To be read by cooks Read, I say, not roasted Letterpress, when toasted Loses its good looks Little Birds are playing Bagpipes on the shore Where the tourists snore "Thanks!" they cry. "'Tis thrilling! Take, oh take this shilling! Let us have no more!" Little Birds are bathing Crocodiles in cream Like a happy dream Like, but not so lasting Crocodiles, when fasting Are not all they seem! That Camel pa**ed, as Day grew dim Around the ruined Pump "O broken heart! O broken limb! It needs", that Camel said to him "Something more fairy-like and slim To execute a jump!" That Pig lay still as any stone And could not stir a stump Nor ever, if the truth were known Was he again observed to moan Nor ever wring his hoofs and groan Because he could not jump That Frog made no remark, for he Was dismal as a dump He knew the consequence must be That he would never get his fee And still he sits, in miserie Upon that ruined Pump! Little Birds are choking Baronets with bun Taught to fire a gun Taught, I say, to splinter Salmon in the winter Merely for the fun Little Birds are hiding Crimes in carpet-bags Blessed by happy stags Blessed, I say, though beaten Since our friends are eaten When the memory flags Little Birds are tasting Gratitude and gold Pale with sudden cold Pale, I say, and wrinkled When the bells have tinkled And the Tale is Told