Leslie Fish - They Were Having a Sale at the Gunstore lyrics

They were having a sale at the gun store; the Jukes boys decided to go With the moonshine gone bad, and the poaching gone thin Their business was doing quite slow So they bought them a lot of hand-cannons, intent upon robb'ry and more But they never once thought to consider That they weren't alone in the store. Next in line was a little old lady, and next was a handsome young dame After her, came a man in a wheelchair Then a lad with an underweight frame They watched while the Jukes boys were buying, and considered what such boys would do Then they looked at each other, they said not a word But bought themselves hand-cannons too. Well, that night Billy Jukes went out hunting; he spotted a girl who looked great But when he pulled her into an alley She pulled out a big 38. He thought this was feminine bluffing; "Naw, girl, you can't shoot me," he said Well, the very next second she proved he was wrong And Billy Jukes quite lost his head. Well, Joey Jukes went for the money, so he went to a big liquor store And he hauled out his two-barrelled shotgun The moment he walked through the door He aimed at all present, and bellowed "Give me all ya got, or yer dead!" So the counterboy lifted his 44 mag And did just what Joey Jukes said. Now, Beauregarde Jukes chose his pickin's with more care and planning by far He jumped on a little old lady Who was just getting into her car But she promptly reached into her handbag and used the best choice she could make For a 25 auto has such light recoil As even a frail hand can take. Now Roy Jukes was good at house burgling and still thought he'd escape without harm When the owner rolled in with a shotgun Braced on his wheelchair's arm "Well, they'll bust you for shooting--" Roy started, but the man's shotgun cut off the lot And he said, as he muscled Roy's corpse out the door "There are no ballistics on shot." So that was the end of the Jukes boys; the cops had to clean up the mess So they slandered gun-owning civilians All over the liberal press But the victors who might have been victims go silent, although this is true: So long as there's one weapon left in the world, You better have you a gun too.