Leslie Fish - Banned From Argo lyrics

When we pulled into Argo Port in need of R & R The crew set out investigating every joint and bar We had high expectations of their hospitality But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our captain's tastes were simple but his methods were complex We found him with five partners each of a different world and s** The shore police were on the way, we had no second chance We beamed him up in the nick of time and the remnants of his pants And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our engineer would yield to none in putting down the brew He out-drank seven space marines and a demolition crew The navigator didn't win but he out-drank almost all And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of City Hall And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our proper cool first officer was drugged with something green And hauled into an alley, where he suffered things obscene He sobered up in sickbay and he's none the worse for wear Except he somehow taught the bridge computer how to swear And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore The head nurse disappeared a while in the major dope bazaar Buying an odd green potion guaranteed to cause pon farr She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart And a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our lady of communications won a ship-wide bet By getting into the planet's main communications net Now every time someone calls up on an Argo telescreen, The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our Doctor loves Humanity; his private life is quiet The Shore Police arrested him for inciting who*es to riot We found him in the city jail, locked on and beamed him free Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our Helmsman loves exotic plants; the plants all love him too He took some down on leave with him and we wondered what they'd do, Till the planetary governor called and swore upon his life That a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife! And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore A gang of pirates landed, and nobody seemed to care They stamped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there Half our crew was busy there, and invited them to play, But the pirates only looked at us, and turned and ran away And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our crew is Starfleet's finest, and our record is our pride And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss; At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us! And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore ...Wonder why?