Lauren Flans - Down With An Elf lyrics

[Spoken Word Intro: Mc Crack-A-Lack] Yo, it's Christmas time, and I know everybody be filled with joy and good tidings and whatnot, but I got a bone to pick. See, the holidays ain't so cheery for yours truly. And let me tell you why… [Verse 1: Mc Crack-A-Lack & (Crew)] Hey yo, I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf Yo, I know this sh** sounds crazy, don't believe it myself But I think she's f**ing someone tiny, I am ill at ease Cause the b**h has got hickeys all around her knees She says: [Hoochie Back-up Singer:] I gotta go out for somethin'… I say, “Baby, that's fine” She comes home hours later smellin' like a toy a**embly line And if you don't know what that smells like, let me make it clear – It's (SUGAR!) And (SPICE!) And (HOLIDAY CHEER!) I get home from work early, open up the bedroom do' Hear the sound of jingling bells shootin' out the window Under the bed, I found a little green cap And directions to the North Pole were on Google Maps I'd a caught him by now, but little people got stealth Still, I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf [Hook: Crew] He's pretty sure his lady's gettin' down with an elf [Verse 2] Yo, if she were nailin' Santa, I'd have understood But not some 3-foot f*ggot dressed like Robin Hood! My homies say: [Homey Back Up Singer:] Elves ain't real, dog! That sh** is whack! Then how come she's turned on every time we pa** a Baby Gap?! All she wants to f** to anymore are Christmas carols Or the soundtrack to that stupid movie with Will Ferrell And when we make love, she wants sh** that's insane – The b**h asked me to paint my dick up like a candy cane! I caught her in the toy department touchin' herself That's why I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf [Hook] [Verse 3] That the dude's a f**in' midget is the worst damn thing I mean, it's not like he's that s**y elf from “Lord of the Rings” That guy shot arrows; he had style and cla** – On the real, even I'd a done Legolas But an elf from Santa's workshop? Man, that sh** ain't right! My b**h is gettin' off on pointy shoes and tights! She moved the KY down to a lower shelf – I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf [Hook 2: Crew & (MC Crack-A-Lack)] He's pretty sure his lady's gettin' down with an elf… (I'm pretty sure…) He's pretty sure his lady's gettin' down with an elf [Spoken Word Outro: Mc Crack A Lack] Merry Christmas