Lauren A. - Letter to Thomas Bagley lyrics

Dear Mr. Bagley, First off, I would like to thank you for being such a fan of our business. For someone who subscribes to a site like Facial Abuse I want to commend you for spending the $200 a week your parents send you every week for living expenses wisely. Facial Abuse is a great site! There is nothing like watching a new girl getting a huge co*k viciously rammed down her throat. I like your taste! I want to also commend you on getting accepted into Duke. Great school! I am sure your parents are proud. I bet you pull straight A's when you're not whacking it to Facial Abuse and Casting Couch movies. I love our fans and I love you! You are the type of guy that makes our business move. With that I would like to make you an offer. As I sit here in my office at 6:30 on a Wednesday night I am writing a check for $10,000 to pay to the order of Thomas Bagley. I want to give you the opportunity to live out all your fantasies. In addition to that 10K, there is a plane ticket and hotel room with your name on it out here in sunny Los Angeles. Screw the polar vortex. Get your a** out and come shoot for us! I will give you the opportunity to bang ANY p**n star you want. We will make you a celebrity because it is apparent how much you love p**n and attention. 10 Grand is a lot of money for a kid like you. Do you know how many p**n memberships you could buy with that? That is more than a lifetime membership to Facial Abuse! I ask that you seriously consider our offer. Any girl you want! Come out to LA and become a star. ALSO, for every inch you are packing over 4, I will throw in an EXTRA $1,000. Get your tiny pecker out here and become the next Ron Jeremy kiddo! All my best, Mike Kulich CEO Monarchy Distribution 15303 Ventura Blvd 9th Floor Sherman Oaks, CA 91403