When I came home the other day My Mum couldn't look me in the eye When I checked under my bed I found the reason why My pile of rhythm magazines Was nowhere to be seen I found them in the wheelie bin With an empty can of Mr. Sheen CHORUS: My Mum found my wa*k mags Now she thinks I'm vile My Mum found my wa*k mags I had a ma**ive pile My eyesight is failing, I've got hairs on my hands All because I can't stop playing with my glands My Mum was so very upset It must have broke her heart To know her little soldier looked At pictures of women with their legs apart My first issue of 'Razzle' Was ripped up into shreds And underneath a can of beans Was the bird from 'Baywatch' giving head