King Missile - I'm Sorry lyrics

No, I never was in Vietnam I never once dove into an empty swimming pool I never let the carpet walk right out from under me I never painted a house or a tree I never did become an exotic dancer, or a customer service representative I never took the pulse of a dying duck, or gave mouth to mouth resuscitation to a horse fly In a way, I suppose you could say my experience is quite limited For example, I never locked Oliver Cromwell in a broom closet while singing Waltzing Matilda I never sawed television in half, although I once saw Wendy O. Williams saw a guitar I never played a decent game of jacks I never played poker with a toothless one eyed pirate who kept picking his teeth with a bowie knife to distract me, while his parrot looked over my shoulder and told him what cards I had by using an elaborate code involving vomiting, chirping, and sea chanteys I never bought a lamp-wait; I did buy a lamp once But I never bought a lantern, or a lambskin prophylactic I never bought a loin or a Loinel Ritchie album I never bought anthing beginning with the letter "L" except lollipops, light bulbs and lettuce and the lamp I never laid down for a nap and found the Everly Brothers in bed with me I never let a cyborg take out the garbage I'm sorry I stole the radio I did it I sawed the legs off the periodic table I re-elected the president I did it, it was my fault I farted in the church I'm sorry I did many many bad things and I am so sorry!