[Verse 1: Katya as Trish] Hey, guys, I'm Trish I'm from Quincy, Ma**., but I live in the dumpster outside a hooker bar downtown I got hit out of my mom's garage, a couch [?] here or there It's not really a reliable paycheck, y'know? I'm 14 days clean and sober by the grace of God I still smoke a lil' bit of pot, but it's whateva Hey, ladies thank you so much for having me over Listen, I don't want your pity or nothin' And I'm not gonna pick you pockets or start a fight Those days are over, I'm a new woman and it's Christmas I don't let the Devil in my heart today No, that parking space is reserved I got a reserved parking space, and guess whose name is on it God! I got a similar sign on my crotch and that's for Bobby Hey, Bobby, if you're listenin' I still love you And I heard you're out on parole So maybe we can make it work, it's the holidays after all [Chorus] Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas All togetha, it's whateva Merry Christmas, I had too much to drink Uuuugh, crap [Verse 2] My biggest Christmas wish is to have anotha kitty I had a kitty back in the day named Glen, but I'm allergic so I had to put him down Anotha thing I want is to not sleep in a dumpster I also love snacks It's the holidays, yo, so if I gain a little weight? Well, that's a snackrifice I'm willing to make [Chorus] Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas All togetha, it's whateva Merry Christmas, I can't feel my feet It's spina bifida, had it all my life [Verse 3] Hey, Happy New Years Happy New Year to me and Happy New Year to you For New Years resolutions I'm thinkin' I gotta be a better me No scammin', no schemin' And if I go on a [?] for three weeks I just gotta make sure it's not with [?] Last time, he took a bunch of acid and stole a mummy out of the History Museum Turns out, he just kidnapped some old lady and she died Oh well, Happy New Year [Chorus] Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas All togetha, it's whateva Merry Christmas, can I bum a cig, please? I wanna smoke so bad... Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas All togetha, it's whateva Merry Christmas, I'm going back to sleep In my dumpster man, gonna go sleep in the trash Merry Christmas