Katatonia - Had To (leave) lyrics

so you were with us until the last minute and then you were gone from here and I watched and I just figured out that I will never see you again I had a choice you had to leave into the night this was my choice it's so hard to explain what I meant when I said that I wanted you dead but I saw you f** up and I just can't get back the feeling I had for you so I put all my strength into my only will it was the only thing to do and now I only regret that I cried cause you would never do that for me