K.A.A.N. - Bout it Bout it lyrics

[Intro] [Verse 1: Kaan] All that I wanted was my self-respect I never got it so now I feel crazy My confidence left And now I cannot muster the courage To get the f** outta the house And nobody's allowed in Beside of the mind of this insecure man But I don't understand how you feel You relate to me Maybe it's not what you thought Cause you do not live in my position Efficiently finding a bottle of pills Effectively forcing myself to ingest I must attest I used to speak with the lord Pray for forgiveness of sins Believing the stress But f** it I'm off of my meds I don't have time to think about a religion For instance I live life so terrible sinister Sarcastic a**a**in he asking for peace And I promise to change if you let me be free But I bet that you won't I can feel the restraints And I'm anxious in public I should be alone I don't want interactions I turn off my phone so I shut off the lights And I pull in the blinds And I sit and reflect about sickening times When I saw that nobody was there for me Luckily I had myself and that's all that I needed Proceeded to sulk in the silence of silence I'm in isolation no people around me I'm drowning, I'm hoping that sh** will get better I want to be happy I used to be positive But it was life that was beating me down By the time I matured i'm preferring the negative I'm at the point that i'm planning my funeral service I'm sure that I probably won't make it I got no love in my heart I am vacant Do not approach me don't ever mistake it I'm pessimistic and pa**ing out hatred I can't recall when I went through these changes I pray the d**h that I receive his penance On the front page of the news now i'm famous Isn't it crazy that you get attention the day that you die But the rest of your life it's just filled up with sins Shall we indulge in the rest of our vices material woes That we do not need I still tried to k** myself several times Before I finally saw what this life is about It's the reason I die Why you coming at me? Those are intentions i've already seen Just turned to commercial commodities To showing your face to these people That could give a f** about you and your personal well-being I know that you're feeling alone We could take that and make it a catalyst Capitalizing off your lack of happiness That's a distraction that no one will see Don't you want money and lies of attention Attempting to turn you into a disgrace of the dollar Someone could have spent on new medication The therapy sessions is given to you You're coming anew Cause you are the man that they all want to be And I'm certain that you will sit comfortably Right at the top where nobody can touch you And now you're perspected becoming disgusting You got everything but you feel like you nothing You empty inside but you wanted relief Self-mutilation to deal with the grief Said to hail mary i'm hoping to be More mentally stable so that I can breathe I'm needing some help and I truly believe My life is in shambles and I cannot reprieve When I talk to a priest then he'll tell me to see the omnipotent We have not spoken in years and I lost the connection Do you have his number? Stop pa**ing collections I don't have no money Supporting your services You're not a soldier for Christ or a leader for God I can see the deceit in your eyes You're an average man like I am But you find you a hustle that's gonna pay all of your bills So my n***a be real Cause my soul is deluded So what should I do Can you tell me the truth And don't say repent My time it was spent On nothing but ignorance I need a razor blade so I can finish it I am indifferent Distant it and dipping it inside of myself I cannot see what i'm made of I'm taking a whole lot of sh** but I don't anymore You pay attention for what is in store It's so legendary it needs a folk lore You'll fall in love with it and then you'll want more But this is something that you cannot afford It don't have a price I just want love Honesty pa**ion and all the above is that too much to ask Gotta move forward can't live in the past Stuck in depression can't get off my a** And I'm tense as a b**h I can never relax But I'm ready to die, see that is a fact Lawd f**