Junot Díaz - The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (excerpt 10) lyrics

Did I try to help him with his girl situation? Share some of my playery wisdom? Of course I did. Problem was, when it came to the mujeres my roommate was like no one on the planet. On the other hand, he had the worst case of no-toto-itis I'd ever seen. The last person to even come close was this poor Salvadoran kid I knew in high school who was burned all over his face, couldn't get no girls ever because he looked like the Phantom of the Opera . Well: Oscar had it worse than him. At least Jeffery could claim an honest medical condition. What could Oscar claim? That it was Sauron's fault? Dude weighed 307 pounds, for f**'s sake! Talked like a Star Trek computer! The real irony was that you never met a kid who wanted a girl so f**ing bad. I mean, sh**, I thought I was the one who was into females, but no one, and I mean no one, was into them the way Oscar was. To him they were the beginning and end, the Alpha and the Omega , the DC and the Marvel . Homes had it bad; couldn't so much as see a cute girl without breaking into the shakes. Developed crushes out of nothing- must have had at least two dozen high-level ones that first semester alone. Not that any of these sh**s ever came to anything. How could they? Oscar's idea of a G was to talk about role-playing games ! How f**ing crazy is that? (my favorite was the day on the E bus when he informed me some hot morena , if you were in my game I would give you an eighteen Charisma !)