Jonathan Hay & Mike Smith - Bodies In The Rent-A-Car (Interlude) lyrics

Thank you for calling [?] this is Michael. Do you have an [?] club number Hi Michael, no it's my first time and I need a car with a big trunk A big trunk, alright. So our full sized car will fit about five pieces of luggage. Will that be good? Five pieces - what size of luggage, ugh Just an average sized piece of luggage Because I know that the type of measurements I'm accustomed to in determining - would two human bodies fit into that trunk? Hahaha! Wait, it depends on how For measurement purposes Big the people I'm sorry? Yeah it depends on how big the people are Okay, okay. One's big. Anyway, um okay so what type of ahatchback do you have with that type of trunk? Let's see, what's the location you'll be renting from? I'm going to rent from Los Angeles and I'm going to drive to New York City And drop it off in New York? Umm… what would, say for instance if something happened to the car - well, yeah I'll drop it off. I'll drop the car off in New York, yeah So any idea of the dates? Uh, I wanna leave tonight because I need to - uh I need to um, I need to leave tonight and I need to uh - Okay It's gonna take me three days to get to New York and another day to um - it will take me four days Okay so tonight, now we're open twenty four seven in LAX. What time do you want to get there tonight? Uh I'd like to get there at ten thirty tonight. Ten thirty PM if possible Alright so ten thirty Now what type of - this trunk, now what type of car is this? Well a full sized car will be like say the Impalas and Dodge Chargers, some Camry's Oh no shed the Impala. I don't want anything suspicious because then I'll get caught. I'd like the - what about the Camry? How much is that? For the Camry that's uh - the full sized car, let me get the price on that. First I'll need to know what the location in New York you wanna drop the vehicle off at Uh LaGuardia Airport Okay LaGuardia… They're also twenty four seven so four days and then you'll bring it back by ten thirty on the eleventh. Would that work? Uh, I think that would work Okay I need to consult you on something very private and I need to ask you to make sure I'm making the right decision. Now sounds like you found the car I need, with the trunk size I need. Now, this trunk um, does it have sealing where you can't - is it's sealed you can't smell anything when you're standing outside? You're starting to ask a question sir that just can't get into. If you wanna talk to a supervisor about the rental, I'd be happy to connect you over to one Why you can't - why can't you get into that? Well, you're talking about putting bodies in the trunk and the smell from the outside Who said I was putting bodies in the trunk? I asked for measurement purposes. It's okay And then for smell It's okay young man. You can be comfortable. It's not like that okay? Okay, hahaha You thought that I k**ed somebody and want to take them to New York in a rental car? No, I was starting to wonder if it was a prank call though. I just want to make sure You're pretty f**ing smart, I'll give you that. So what about the smell? Can they detect it or not? I would not know that. You might get in touch with the branch directly, hey know all the particulars to what vehicles they currently have in their fleet there Listen, I caught this guy f**ing around with my wife so what I did was justified. I need to know that I'm not going to get caught so I'm being straight with you. Are they gonna smell the bodies or not if I get pulled over? That's all I need to know. You can transfer me to your supervisor after but I need an answer from you I do not know the answer to that, I'm sorry Have you ever had anyone rent a car and transport dead bodies? Have you had experience there? Yes or no? I have no experience whatsoever. No, sir So this will be your first honour badge for doing this because I'm going to get away because of karma. I did the right thing! I promise you. Your name is Michael? Yes sir Michael, I did the right thing. What would you do if you came home and some guy had his penis enthralled in your wife, wiggling it around, wiggling it around, wiggling it around, wiggling it around. What would you do Michael? Tell me Sir I'm going to ask you to hold for a second. I'm going to get you to one of my supervisors. Would you mind holding for a moment please? If you have me on hold for too long I'm going to ship these motherf**ers in US Mail Sir I have Nicky on the line for you. She'll be a**isting you from this point Thank you Michael, you were a great help. Hi, Nicky? Hi my name's Nicky. I'm with escalations desk, how are you? Good! I'm absolutely terrific, how about yourself? I'm fine. Were you looking to pick up a car at LAX, is that correct? Yeah, did Michael give you the details? Um he said LAX and you wanna do a one way rental. What day were you looking to rent? Okay like I'll just sum it up so we won't have to waste time. I need a car with a big trunk. He told me about the Camry and I need to fit two bodies in there, and I need to make sure that it is smell proof. That's it. It's pretty simple Sir, we cannot guarantee anything like that Okay so have you ever had anyone transport dead bodies in a rental car before? As far as having experience and knowing if they're smell proof or not Np, I haven't had that experience You sure? Or did they just not tell you because trust me. People do it all the time Um you wanna contact the police department to see if they can a**ist you with that Oh no, they're looking for me. They can't find me. Um, so what's the process as far as me getting that car tonight and getting to New York? Okay, let's see here I have my credit card, um now with that said, do I pay you everything upfront along with a deposit or since it's a credit card, do you just hold on to it until I bring it back? It would be held on to Okay, okay, okay, okay. Have you ever been - have you ever been cheated on before? I'm sorry sir, that's a personal question. Would you like me to continue with your rental? Absolutely, I wanna book it but what I'm doing, I'm trying to explain to you why I k**ed them, okay? Because I was justified and I am not a criminal. Do you believe me when I tell you I'm not a criminal, yes or no? Sir, I'm not here to judge. If you'd like to rent a car, I can a**ist you They say only the Lord can judge. That's what I'm talking about. I need to get these damn bodies out of California. Let's do it. Let's rent it. You want my card? You ready for it? Sir at this point I'm gonna have to disconnect the call. I cannot continue under these circumstances You said you weren't gonna judge me. You're telling me that because I k**ed two people [Call disconnected] That were messing with my life, that you have to disconnect the call