Jonathan Coulton - Tom Cruise Crazy lyrics

Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie At least all his people tell him so And while he thinks that she's a very special lady It's probably not the way he'd choose to go But a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction Good thing that he's not gay anymore Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy Just be glad it's him, not you If you had Tom Cruise's troubles You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too You'd flash your big white shiny smile And buy expensive shoes But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise Tom Cruise is always getting older He knows he'll never be that young again And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder He sees a thousand younger leading men He knows someday he'll have to play An old, retarded grandpa While someone younger plays his s**y son Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy Just be glad it's him, not you If you had Tom Cruise's troubles You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too You'd flash your big white shiny smile And buy expensive shoes But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise Tom Cruise hopes somewhere there's a place for him Because he's not of this world anymore Somewhere in some secluded castle Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall And the outside world is always such a ha**le Sometimes he won't go out at all There are millions who know his name Everybody loves him Why is it that he feels so alone? Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy Just be glad it's him, not you If you had Tom Cruise's troubles You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too You'd flash your big white shiny smile And buy expensive shoes But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise