Jon Lajoie - Wtf Collective 3 lyrics

MC Every Day Normal Guy: Every day normal guy here to get the track started My average lyrics are between genius and retarded I drink tap water and watch all the CSIs I put my thirty dollar pants on one leg at a time I sleep eight hours a night and eat three meals a day I'm motherf**ing content, I got no reason to complain I have a roof over my head and I got clothes on my back My verse is done it wasn't great, but hey it wasn't that bad MC Uses Time Machines Irresponsibly: Yo I'm MC uses time machines irresponsibly Went back and found Judas Iscariot in 33 AD Gave him 31 pieces of silver to rat out the wrong guy Then I planted Monsanto seeds in dinosaur time Gave Bill Gates my iPhone in 1973 Then I traveled in time to the night that I was conceived I met up with my parents and we hung out all night Come to think of it they didn't have any alone time (Noooo..) MC Nauseous: MC nauseous up in this motherf**a I don't feel so hot, sh** I think that I am gonna (oooooohhh) Why am I so sick, what I eat? (Cat food will make expired yogurt taste less like cheese) Oh right... MC co*k Blocks Himself: MC co*k blocks himself, hey girl what's up? You so s**y, we should probably hook up Crawl in a hot tub with a bottle of champagne By the way I have a girlfriend and I think I might have AIDS (where you goin?) MC Necrophiliac: MC necrophiliac where all my dead bodies at? Crashing funerals just so that I can get a whiff of that Decomposing bodies scent, my favorite aphrodisiac Flat lining gives me a Pavlovian erection in my pants Turn-offs include breathing, pulses, and signs of life My turn-ons are rigor mortis, cold flesh, and suicide If you're not stiff as a board, I won't be stiff and I'll be bored Wait, what do we have here? Looks like I'm about to score Chorus: You have to be kidding me (what the f** is going on?) This can not be happening (I don't wanna do this any more) This must be a bad dream (leave me alone) Why am I still singing? (I motherf**ing k**ed myself!) MC Gets Sidetracked Easily: Yo MC gets sidetracked easily back in the heezy By heezy I mean house, not the show I think it's cheesy My favorite show is Dexter, that guy was also in Six Feet Under My first experience with d**h, I was just sixteen My dog got run over by a truck and his head exploded Like Robert Patrick in Terminator 2 when he's frozen It's freezing in Iceland, I was just there on holiday Hold on, I think I got lost again, what was I trying to say? MC Who Couldn't Speak In The Present Tense: I was MC who couldn't speak in the present tense I'm gonna have a lot of money and my dick was immense It would have been difficult, people a**umed I was a retard I'll have a serious problem, communicating was hard MC Constipation: Yo I'm MC constipation, it has been three days since My last bowel movement, I'm starting to get impatient Spending hours on the toilet, yet nothing ever comes of it Intestines are like politicians, they're constantly full of sh** I wish my bowel movements were a little more like my rhymes Always smooth and free flowing, it would save me a lot of time Push for hours with no result, not even a brown Brussel sprout My sh**'s like a gay Republican, it's not planning on coming out MC Invisible: Yo I'm MC invisible, you can't see me The only rapper in this industry that can't be seen By the naked eye, I won't lie, it's hard to get the fan base When image is everything and I literally don't have a face MC On The Phone With Ted Danson: I'm MC on the phone with Ted Danson, keep it down Skip to the next verse, I'm on the phone with Ted Danson, not now Hold on Ted, I don't wanna be in the song anymore, leave me alone This is more important, I'm on the phone with the guy who played Sam Malone MC Confusing: MC confusing rapping up the song Like a Plasticine high five in a helicopter thong I got ricochet highlights from the Fleet Fox's knife guy We out like a rice fight in a vampires wife's life Chorus: Maybe this isn't so bad (better than my last job) Taking it in the a** for cash (twenty bucks a pop) Maybe things will turn around (being a zombie's pretty cool) Things couldn't get worse anyhow