John Trudell - I Went So Willingly/49 lyrics

Trying to forget The hardest part of trying to forget Is the remembering forgetting brings back I thought you were like the things that have happened Things and thoughts I'd put away But you are you More than can just be put away How frivolous of me to a**ume I could Regard you as a thing or a thought Trying to forget only makes me remember Emotions we share in our spirit hearts The delights and the anger so vital Our wildness making us quick to burn Bridges behind us and ahead of us Changing compromise to submit Looking for happiness finding regret Sometimes you appear It's in a song, a phrase Sometimes it's a laugh near Sometimes it's a vision of you near To me or a remembrance of a touch A kiss or some silly thought we shared Times are I wonder what went wrong Maybe our impatience stopped us from Taking the time to learn What we thought we already knew Trying to forget Only makes me remember you When you left I knew you had to go Water came into my eyes I cried then I laughed Because sometimes I just don't know I wanted you to stay But you weren't really here anyway Or if you were it was for just awhile I've run it through my mind And rerun it through my heart I loved you more than I could say or show Like I say I loved you more But that's something only I could know Water came into my eyes I cried then I laughed What's the difference anyway Laughing and crying the Tears taste just the same I held you but I didn't hold you And in the end I guess I only kept myself Her beauty is like a dancer in the night Carrying rhythms others can only imagine Everyone wanted her yet no one kept her Beyond a fleeting moment When all seemed right She left on her own Driven away by what they had To keep to themselves He was one of those thinking to claim What others took long ago They could never share the secrets For their secrets are shames mistakes kept quietly Making noise only when crashing down Upon them like invisible walls Not able to stand on their own when They sold beauty for things their Hearts never understood Pretending what others could not see Was connected to reality They made it easy to believe But almost impossible to live Together they traded depth for surfaces Trading until they traded it all away For misunderstandings Her beauty is like a danger in the night Carrying rhythms others can only imagine Everyone wanted her yet no one kept her Beyond a fleeting moment When all seemed right I went so willingly thinking about Knowing the beauty of your face Your smile, Your charm Dazzle these sometimes broken eyes Your spoken thoughts of love And laughter placed the chains Around me so tightly I didn't know at first I went so willingly thinking about Knowing the beauty of your face Things went wrong, they often do You grew to need me less I went into needing you more One day seeing we were both in a pretty prison All I could do was escape I went so willingly thinking about Knowing the beauty of your face Like a bu*terfly with a fading heart She needed someone to care for her When she couldn't find it she ran back To the mistakes Anger an uncomfortably comfortable Emotion greedily spread over those Who love her Safer than taking a chance What we try to hide we never can Beyond placing it in ourselves Wounds voluntarily inflicted Creating our own betrayal Worrying about being used As we use up our time Scaring away the balance Mental M-16's mowing down the enemy Insecurity turning trust into targets In a battle we don't understand With industrial greed the victor Like a bu*terfly with a fading heart She needed someone to care for her All that was left were the pictures she took Capturing the past in a prison Not unlike the one they locked Themselves in She said goodbye the other day Loving him was lonely Lonely as she'd ever been her life was standing in a space Where laughter was a disguise she wore As a shield to protect the world She said goodbye the other day Her feelings couldn't be helped It wasn't anything he'd done It was just that the prisons Building around her Separated even him from knowing Laughter was a disguise she wore She said goodbye the other day She felt our of place Looking for a place Her American dream Hadn't prepared her for this She felt programmed somehow She had to find the way to where Laughter is real And disguises aren't necessary All that was left were the pictures she took