John Tartaglia - Everyone's A Little Bit Racist lyrics

Princeton: Say, Kate, can I ask you a question? Kate Monster: Sure! Princeton: Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs? Kate Monster: Uh-huh Princeton: Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster Kate Monster: Right Princeton: You're both Monsters Kate Monster: Yeah Princeton: Are you two related? Kate Monster: What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist! Princeton: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking! Kate Monster: Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh? Princeton: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist Kate Monster: I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race Princeton: Well, look who's talking! Kate Monster: What do you mean? Princeton: What about that special Monster School you told me about? Kate Monster: What about it? Princeton: Well, could someone like me go there? Kate Monster: No, we don't want people like you— Princeton: Ha ha! You see?! You're a little bit racist Kate Monster: Well, you're a little bit too Princeton: I guess we're both a little bit racist Kate Monster: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do... Princeton: But I guess it's true Kate Monster: Between me and you, I think... Both: Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes Look around and you will find No one's really colorblind Maybe it's a fact we all should face: Everyone makes judgments based on race Princeton: Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from— Kate Monster: No! Princeton: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English! Kate Monster: Right! Both: Everyone's a little bit racist today So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay! Ethinic jokes might be uncouth But you laugh because they're based on truth Don't take them as personal attacks Everyone enjoys them—so relax! Princeton: All right, stop me if you've heard this one Kate Monster: Okay! Princeton: Alright, there's a plan going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest... Kate Monster: And a black guy! Gary Coleman: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Kate? Kate Monster: Uh... Gary Coleman: You were telling a black joke! Princeton: Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes Gary Coleman: I don't Princeton: Well, of course you don't—you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right? Gary Coleman: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks! Princeton: Now, don't you think that's a little racist? Gary Coleman: Well, damn, I guess you're right Kate Monster: You're a little bit racist Gary Coleman: Well, you're a little bit too Princeton: We're all a little bit racist Gary Coleman: I think that I would have to agree with you Princeton/Kate Monster: We're glad you do Gary Coleman: It's sad but true! Everyone's a little bit racist All right! Kate Monster: All right! Princeton: All right! Gary Coleman: All right! Bigotry has never been exclusively white All: If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit Even though we all know that it's wrong Maybe it would help us get along Princeton: Oh, Christ, do I feel good Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man! Princeton: Who? Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black— Princeton: Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish! Brian: Hey guys, what are you laughing about? Gary Coleman: Racism! Brian: Cool Christmas Eve: BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs! Princeton: What's that mean? Brian: Um, recyclables. Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak? Kate Monster: Oh, come off it, Brian! Everyone's a little bit racist Brian: I'm not! Princeton: Oh no? Brian: Nope! How many Oriental wives have you got? Christmas Eve: What? Brian! Princeton: Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American! Christmas Eve: I know you are no intending to be But calling me Oriental—offensive to me! Brian: I'm sorry, honey, I love you Christmas Eve: And I love you Brian: But you're racist, too Christmas Eve: Yes, I know The Jews have all the money And the whites have all the power And I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower! Princeton: Me too! Kate Monster: Me too! Gary Coleman: I can't even get a taxi! All: Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true But everyone is just about as racist as you! If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit And everyone stopped being so PC Maybe we could live in—harmony! Christmas Eve: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!