John Cleese - Rant: Soccer vs. Football lyrics

The wonderful thing about football is how creative it is. Now, this is why this never caught on in America. You see, in America, the action is deliberately kept short so that the sponsors can get in as many commercials as possible. And also, so that the players don't have to think for too long. They get instructions from the quarterback who has, in turn, received them from the offensive coach. So, no one has to think for themselves. This is the Dick Cheney version of creativity, otherwise known as "doing exactly what you're told". So, you get four seconds of extremely violent action, and then the only genuinely creative activity involved: a beer commercial. So, American football is played like a series of advertising jingles, while soccer is played like jazz. And while we're on the subject, why do the Americans insist on calling it soccer? Why do they have such a problem calling it football? It's a game played with a ball that is struck with the foot; hence, "foot" "ball". You see? Are you following this, America? The clue is in the title; it's not that difficult. Whereas American football, as they call it, is a game where an object that's not really a ball at all-- it's the wrong shape for a ball-- is carried around by hand and occasionally thrown for other people to catch in their hands. You see? Only one person on each team is allowed to kick the ball, and they have to be specially brought onto the field to do it. I suppose, in its own way, that is a form of creativity. It's got a creative use of language. You know, saying something and meaning something completely different.