Joe Budden - Heaven or Hell lyrics

[Hook 1] Gotta watch my back It ain't safe at night There's too much to do Gotta get my paper right And there's a lot of my dogs They either dead or in jail But if I k** myself Would it be heaven or hell? [Hook 1] Gotta watch my back It ain't safe at night There's too much to do Gotta get my paper right And there's a lot of my dogs They either dead or in jail But if I k** myself Would it be heaven or hell? [Verse 1] Yo, at this present time there's a lot of nonsense at stake Too many ideas and decisions left to contemplate Too much to deal wit, too much to make a n***a have to steal sh** And it's hurtin' 'cause I gotta feel it with too much anger Too many n***as know me, but they don't know me an*layzed popular stranger, and peep how n***as try to change ya But I can't cope with no antidote, two options, one is slittin' my wrists Go to the precinct with a clip my fist So I keep a cig in my lips, sh** is painful, f** suicide Done did too much dirt to know if I'ma be angel So help me god, cry in my sleep Cause you ain't pull me out of shark infested waters to die on the beach And I was told "don't trust, cause they plot at the end' SoI treat friends as nobodies, and nobody as friend Yo, it just seems like trouble's followin' me, lock and key Stuck in the belly of the beast, and it's swallowin' me With no cream, with no bundle to hustle and no scheme No n***as to run with and no team Tell me what its like to have ran out of options when you goin' all out Or what it's like to be in love and fall out Just want to put it behind me and breathe without the f**in' 9 to squeeze Without the weed and Hennessey to keep my mind at ease Without rollin' over, coilin' myself, tryin' to sleep Without bein' homeless and starvin and dyin' to eat sh** wasn't like this at the youth house Throughout my teen years been forced to grow up too fast, mo'f**a I'm not a youth now Wish I could let a lot of people see the true Mouse But i'm too scared to see him myself, what'd be the use now? [Hook 2] I done changed too much I guess the water ran dry Man I been put through sh** For most of my life And I done lost my breath But still I'm tryna fight I can't take no more 'Cause I'm dyin' inside [Verse 1] From houses to gas stations, I've done robbed 'em all Facing 10 to 20, that'll start a robber's fall Jacked whips in parking lots, I got the drop from Fords And this amount of victims coming out a shopping mall I'm a totally different n***a when I'm copping the raw Apartments with ADT, got through the locks in the door I met some dollared out chicks, somehow I got in the drawers Seen n***as die in cold blood, they had got shot in the war Want a seed for the wrong reasons, to see me different In hopes of me guiding so he'll never have to see a prison But my shorty got it f**ed up Or maybe I just got it f**ed up Somebody got it f**ed up What a n***a got besides his music? Thirsty as hell, can't smoke the water, cause I know that I'll abuse it And ma'f**as can't afford to see that fuse lit They can't afford to see a n***a on some new sh** And where my pops at? n***a need him now Show up later on when I'm black, and f**, I'm bleedin' now Showin' my moms another side she never seen in me How the f** she don't understand when its her genes in me? How'd I progress in therapy while wantin' to leave this world And I know how to beat the system, can't beat the world I talk that "take my own life to get off the scene quick" Unfortunate that i'm too much of a genius to really mean sh** [Hook 1] Gotta watch my back It ain't safe at night There's too much to do Gotta get my paper right And there's a lot of my dogs They either dead or in jail But if I k** myself Would it be heaven or hell? [Hook 2] I done changed too much I guess the water ran dry Man I been put through sh** For most of my life And I done lost my breath But still I'm tryna fight I can't take no more 'Cause I'm dyin' inside