Jello Biafra - Mascot Mania lyrics

When I was young, I saw football games at the great big stadium Could tell the fans from out of town by the clown suits they had on 20,000 red cowboy hats means Cornhuskers to you Mickey Mouse beans with tiger ears shows you cheer ol' Mizzou Let's not forget the Razorbacks From the U. of Arkansas With plastic pig snouts on their heads, sooeeeing, "How 'bout them Hawgs?" That's mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh I work all week at a job I hate Where everything goes wrong Weekends are what I live for To your church I belong I cross the street in San Francisco when a chump comes out of a bar Yelling "Forty-f**in-Niners, man" with his gold and red jacket on In Cleveland, throwing dog biscuits shows how much you love them Browns While Bronco fans just hang their heads when the Superbowl comes around Raider jacket dollars got the White Sox wearin' black Statues of Joe Paterno sold in gift shops at Penn State That's mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Don't make fun of religious rituals in any place Lord help you if you laugh while they do this with a straight face Outside of the United States it gets even more bizarre In Tokyo they got a baseball team they call the Carp The Salmonbellies are the pride of New Westminster, B.C. C'mon Greg Werkman, what's a Hoosier? And why do they throw chairs? When Sudbury, Ontario's hockey team scores a goal They drag a stuffed wolf across the ice A fan shot at it once, ya know That's mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Blue Streak, Horned Frogs Longhorns, Trojans Someone better tell Tipper Gore about the names of these here teams Tar Heels, Gameco*ks, Blue Devils, Crimson Tide Real Indians sick of Redskins and tomahawk chops It seems to me that to stay mean these names should change with time The New York Muggers, Detroit Murders and Chicago Mob Boston Bigots, Texas Swindlers and the L.A. Cops Miami Drugs, New Jersey Dumps take on the Denver Smog Seattle Fads, New Orleans Hoods, Milwaukee Cannibals San Diego Jarheads and the Arizona Drought Mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Go, Carp, go Salmonbellies rule Hit 'em harder, Cops But a hockey team called The Mighty Ducks? Heads explode when Dallas Oswalds meet Washington Bribes Home team band plays Cop k**er when L.A. comes to town Pittsburgh Polluters, Houston Drive-Bys, don't stir near the fear When the Florida Abortion Bombers meet the San Francisco Queers Mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Mascot mania Mascot mania, uh-huh Uh-huh Anywhere you go, the game's the same old thing Bet your money on the Bribes They always win