Jeffrey Lewis - People Were Morons lyrics

We look back and say, "People were morons They were lunatics, numbskulls and harebrains 'cause in old times the bars allowed smoking And ashtrays were built into airplanes! Such schmucks those poor nicotine addicts They'd freak out if one hour or minute Their mouths should feel nervous and naked Without some cigarette to stick in it!" But if you could give me the choice now To end up as a lung cancer'd crone To be hooked on Marlboros or Camels Versus now being hooked on my phone... Wеll at least smoking looked freakin' badass For rеbels and rock bands and rappers Men and women who did things their own way Cool cowboys and beatniks and flappers But right now with my smartphone addiction Just like yours, just like hers, just like theirs We're all shopping at one big mcdonalds With one drug for both rebels and squares And I know future folks will all mock us! Call us dumbasses, clowns and unfortunates Falling prey to an all day addiction Willing slaves to the corporate extortionists They'll look back and say, "People were morons They were lunatics, numbskulls and harebrains 'Cause in old times the bars allowed smartphones And USB ports were built into airplanes! Such schmucks those poor phone and web addicts They'd freak out if one hour or minute Their eyes should feel nervous and naked Without some kind of phone to stick in it!" Those old smokers at work desks or discos... We look back and say "God, they were clueless... To puff away, hooked in all places No modern smart person would do this Such smokers, such exploited su*kers So deceived by the cruel corporations That would prey on their poor helpless lung cells With that addiction that swept through all nations!" Oh but now we're so smart and so healthy! We'd never be such hopeless junkies... Yeah but now we're addicted to smartphones! It's the new trick that's made us all monkeys... We say "Gee, won't a smoker just quit it? Go cold turkey! Be brave! Be empowered! 'Cause in cars or in rock clubs or diners You keep grabbing your smokes like a coward!" Yeah you look down your nose at those addicts At the terrible things smokers did They couldn't stop it at work time or play time They'd even do it in front of their kid! But you try to go one day without phones Let alone get to total sobriety... Ha! Those smokers would run rings around you! They'd all laugh while you die from anxiety Now just see who the more helpless victim is With the addiction that keeps us unfocused Which now preys on our poor helpless mucuses(?) And swarms Earth like a ravenous locust So those smokers were just downright lucky, man It was possible at least, to kick those things Now watch me step out, light up, and check Instagram 'Cause my dumb ass is addicted to both things! They'll look back and say, "People were morons They were lunatics, numbskulls and harebrains 'Cause in old times the bars allowed smartphones And USB ports were built into airplanes!"