J. Gillie - Misconceptions of a Man lyrics

[Verse 1: J. Gillie] I said I reached my f**ing end Don't know where I'm Goin Putting all this in but the debt steady growing Watching rain drops pourin Where the f** is my umbrella? Swinging at these demons like the Thrilla in Manilla But I got Ko'd Now I'm on this lonely road contemplating Wonder why my momma and my daddy started hating? Baby momma up in the courts she's debating Now the kid's all her's grabbed them up now shes skating Oh Lord! What am I doing? I see the devil clearly We had a conversation and he says he f**ing feels me But the thing that just k**s me man I thought I was a strong christian Til these suicide thoughts switched up my position Now I'm on this road hope my swerves lead to d**h Apology letter forgot to f**ing write it, sh**! 12 Gauge and some buds all I'm riding with I feel alone in this world even Jesus left me He said my feelings didn't matter I was too pesky So now I drive this f**ing car like a maniac And try and get back to that place where he made me at But that's the same damn place that he framed me at I was plagued with dark days and ill wills Bad dreams, OD pills and cold chills "Ayo chill!" the advise from the homie Swear that we were best friends, but he ain't really know me Cause he ain't never show me a way up out this sorrow Never lent time so I couldn't even borrow So muthaf** tomorrow hope the sun sets forever And when it raise up don't you dig my grave up Memories erased and a soul unscathed Hoping one day that he will be saved He's misunderstood He's tryna find a way But the only person speaking fluent is the gun play.. But yet I reconsider Heart is feeling bitter I was raised in the muck But never raised to be a quitter Go find an Outfitter who can sew a heart on a sleeve Got a n***a feeling anxious like its Christmas Eve Cause we perceive everything to be okay Were telling them our problems they proceed to run away I'm thinking to myself there has to be a better way I guess it comes down to do I go or do I stay Or do I relay my message Flowing freely While driving 85 eyes closed on this freeway I'm peeking though I hope I make the right decision Thinking with precision For this ultimate collision Cause ain't no coming back, Jack that's the way of life And a wise man said you can't live it twice My doors ain't the only thing thinking suicide I should've been gone thank God for this foolish pride Father time is knocking I gotta make a choice Cause if I die now the demons will rejoice But if I stay here my eyes forever feeling moist My eyes forever feeling moist Is this really what I wanna do? Is this really where I wanna go? f** this sh** grab a gat and let your mind blow [Gunshot]