[Verse 1] Ladies and fellas, I was hella bored So I pedaled hella hard To a seminar in Zanzibar Ben & Jerry, tennis star, and Pat Benatar Ridin' on my handlebars That I had gaffled from a scrap metal yard When it fell apart, I got a rental car With Meadowlark Lemon's credit card Double-parked on the boulevard in front of Cinnabon Won a tug-of-war with a minotaur Then I toured the far north on a Portuguese man-o-war Santa Claus handed me a catalog The envelope attached on it said that you can have it all So I got an antelope from Manitoba Salad bowl, a catapult, a can of soda, paddleboat, a camera phone And also a Barry Manilow, autographed cantaloupe and every episode of "Solid Gold" The antidote to Babylon and Amazon in an acid-washed camisole Then her friend had tagged along, who looked dead on Apollonian [Hook] When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing I do that damn thing, I do that there (x2) [Verse 2] Here's the story folks Totally stoned, I rode the slopes of Mount Holyoke At 40 below, lo and behold My homey poked too many holes in my snowmobile wheels Now I'm rollin' on some Boboli's with spokes Had to pony up the dough to get an old green and gold mobile home, stole an Oreo, a Polaroid, some saltines An overcoat from Walgreens, some corduroys, some sardines, canola oil All singin "row, row, row ya boat" On and on, with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Shinobi and Kobe Bryant Pokemon and Pinocchio on the Okeefenokee, Swamp Europe, Portugal, Tokyo, Borneo and Coney Island With the Horny Toad Memorial Orchestra with Barry White Lyrics Born on rhymes, Maury Povich on viola, Berry Gordy on organ & Joe Torre on chimes Don Corleone on accordion tomorrow morning When re-recordin Jerome & Morris singin' "oh-wee-oh-wee-oh" [Hook x 4] Whoa...Einstein, do it (Scratching & instrumentals) Whoa!...Bring it back, now [Verse 3] I met a hermit named Kermit McDermott with a learner's permit Curb swervin' in a purple Suburban, slurpin an orange sherbert Eatin' a turnip with the words "Dirty Dirty" written in cursive on his Burberry turban It was curtains At the circus in Berkley, saw a turtle with a girdle, a squirrel with a curl And the world's biggest girl, Pearl Urkel swirled in a circle on a dirty-a** burgundy Murray bike I had some curry rice, a turkey burger and some curly fries Tried to return some worthless merchandise to Circuit City Customer service was certifiably sh**ty Courtesy clerk was nervous, kinda twitchy Had a dry-and-curl perm, reminded me of Lionel Richie Someone blurted out ("Burrrrrr!") That's when I turned around, observed Truck Turner had the burner out and pointed at a surfer Mr. Furley burst out the beauty purlor in curlers And a security jersey, thermos full of Wild Turkey [Chorus til end