Wise Old Owl - I Wish I Was A Hipster lyrics

Damn, I wish I was a hipster So I could be cool like you All I ever wanted Was to be the combination of a hippie and gangster And cover up the fact that I'm actually a tool But my jeans aren't near tight enough And my shirt might be retro but It's not enough for the scene cuz the crew ain't cut And the holes aren't sown shut But I just can't give near enough f**s For a fad so cool it s**s I guess I'm just a goose in a land of ducks Aw shucks... I probably should go out and buy a pair of crocs But not to wear Just put in a box And keep em there And watch the clocks Till there's nothing left but grey in my hair So my kids can wear them all f**ing day Without looking super gay Cuz their friends will be all like “Hey! where did you get those f**ing mandalay kicks from, Ray?” And he'll be all “Oh man, well, you know, I've got my ways,” And he'll replace all the ragtag stag f*gs That walk around this lame a** place today But I guess that's not what I really came to say Nah I'd probably throw the things In the f**ing fireplace if I had my way So I guess In the bargain bin At the Walmart they'll stay... I wish I was a hipster Now this may sound weird But I guess I gotta grow a bigger beard And buy a laptop mac And put some Star Wars stickers on the back And fill it up with ancient Pavement tracks That are so old You can hear the an*log tape snaps And even though it kinda sounds like crap It's cool cuz it's retro And retro is where it's at Don't you know? That sh**'s totally phat But phat with a PH ain't cool anymore What's the word I'm looking for? Soph*more Paramore Claymoore Gay more Lay more Pay more Say no more Faith No More Hate no more What's the point of this song? But I'm not for sure If this scene's the ocean I'm on the shore... And I guess I blew all of my money on contact lenses When all I needed was a pair of fat black horn-rimmed gla**es Prescription unnecessary Accessories that my nose will carry around They'll make me feel so boss in this town I swear to God I'm gonna turn some frowns upside down Where's my crown? Riding around on my ten speed bike Hanging out in coffee shops till there's weather I like Cuz I might stumble upon a chick that's not a dyke And we might hit it off and share a high And share a night But it's highly unlikely due to my shifty eyes And my complete lack of style and sly... I wish I was a hipster (No I don't) So why couldn't it have been me Born with these uncanny abilities For obscure referencing Of pop culture anomalies I don't know But when I see those dope a** motherf**ers on the street I just get so green With envy and a rage-like jealosy Cuz I know that I can never be Or will be As cool as thee Taking a break from longboarding Casually taking a pee on the side of a building Drinking Old Milwaukee from a can Cuz he know's that he's the f**ing man... And he know's there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it I guess I missed the slip I guess I missed the tip That would lead me to believe That I could be Just like he Just like her Marijuana cigarrettes will burn As my brain churns And my ego yearns to learn How to be that suave and cool And to be that cool Damn girl You probably had to go to school But for no For now I'll remain the fool Misses and Misters Brothers and sisters This ain't a word But “schmoogashmagamegablipster” Damn I wish I was a hipster I Wish I was a hipster (No I don't)