Willy Porter - How to Rob a Bank lyrics

Some say I'll need a driver, a Nixon mask and gun But let me tell you brothers and sisters that's not how you get a bank job done You can't walk in there brazen with an Uzi like Patty Hearst I'm gonna secure myself a seat on the board of directors first That's how you rob a bank I'll get some decent suits and a bogus business plan Become well-versed in the etiquette of Wall Street Disney Land Hit the country clubs eating peanuts and drinking Scotch I'll talk the recent trends and fart into a velvet couch That's how you rob a bank I'll get a foundation to give me thanks I'll give my congressman a wa*k Apologize for all I drank when I pulled that goldfish from the tank And gave those debutantes a spank That's how you rob a bank Then I'll cry to congress that I just can't survive After giving loans to folks for homes they can't afford to buy And building useless cars that no one wants to buy Then I'll threaten ma**ive lay-offs just like blackmail in disguise That's how you rob a bank My family won't judge me They'll accept the gifts I send Even though it's not my money, that doesn't mean I shouldn't spend As the dough piles up like snow in Switzerland I'll smile as the Feds come take me in And with an army of lawyers I'll soon outflank And spin the tale of how my ship sank I'll get my bonus and give my thanks That's how you rob a bank I'll say truth in lending is a two-way street Wall Street put the fire to my feet The SEC never even took a peek Blame it all on unchecked greed in a time of war That's how you rob a bank