Walter Murphy - All I Really Want For Christmas lyrics

Peter: Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. All of us here at Family Guy would like to wish you a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Jew Christmas, depending on your religion. Lois: Peter, it's Hanukkah. Peter: Oh, sorry. [Chris laughs] Meg: Shut up, Chris! This is supposed to be serious! Chris: Okay, we've prepared a musical holiday greeting that we would like to sing for you. Lois: Brian, would you start us off? Brian: Sure. Stewie: You know, I heard we can say dirty words on this album. Chris: Ha ha, b**bie! I said b**bie. Did you hear me? Ha, I said it twice. Brian: Okay, okay, take it easy, you guys [clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen, the lush arrangements of Walter Murphy. [synthesized orchestra begins playing] The snow is glistening in the trees, As Christmas carols fill the breeze, And children pray on bended knees... Stewie: Santa Claus, be sure you don't Screw up my freakin' order, please! Brian: Great, thanks for destroying the mood. Chris: Dad, what do you want for Christmas? Peter: Ah, let's see... Britney Spears and Courtney Cox Wearing nothing but their socks Is all I really want for Christmas this year! Brian: Well, that's just not practical. Peter: Plenty of beer and so much scotch That I hit on my own crotch Is all I really want for Christmas this year! How about you Lois, what do you want? Lois: All my flabbin' cellulite surgically uprooted Then installed in Julia Roberts' a**, Ha! Spending a steamy night between Kevin and his partner Bean Giggling as they remove my bra**iere. Peter & Lois: All these happy wishes And lots of Christmas cheer Is all I really want this year Lois: What do you want, Meg? Stewie: How about something to remove her Matt Houston mustache? Meg: I want a house in Malibu And a cure for bacne, too. That's all I really want for Christmas this year! Chris: Eww! You have bacne! Meg: Shut up, Chris! Peter: Anything else, honey? Meg: I want a singing navel, Dad, Just like on that Levi's ad. That's all I really want for Christmas this year! Brian: All I can say is, thank God that advertising firm doesn't do tampons. Chris: Now me! There's an evil monkey, who's Living in my closet, I just wish he'd go away and die, I want Jillian Barberie, Rubbing up real close to me Saying dirty, bad things into my ear. Stewie: Oh, she's atrocious. Chris: All these happy wishes And lots of Christmas cheer Is all I really want this year Stewie: Well, it's your turn, dog. As if anyone gives a two-shilling sh** about what you want. Brian: Every year I've prayed and prayed For a girl who isn't spayed. That's all I really want for Christmas this year. Chris: What does spayed mean? Peter: Oh, you know, like Melissa Etheridge. Brian: I'd love it if you would not hara** me When I start to chew my a** That's all I really want for Christmas this year! Your turn, kid. Stewie: Is it awfully much to have Just one evening weekly Where there is no cover charge at Rage? Brian: I knew it! Stewie: Knew what? Lois' name I'd love to see With the letters R.I.P. She's alive and well, but let's play by ear. All: All these happy wishes And lots of Christmas cheer Is all I really want this year! Stewie: Oh, dear. That high note rather did me in. Would somebody please change me? Road to the North Pole version Peter: Jessica Biel and Megan Fox Wearin' nothin' but their socks Is all I really want for Christmas this year. Brian: Well, that's just not practical. Lois: Spending a week in Mexico With some black guys and some blow Is all I really want for Christmas this year. Peter: Aw, that sounds terrific. How about you, kids? Chris: I would like a pair of skates, Then I'd go out skating, But I really don't know how to skate. Ha-ha! Meg: I want a Lexus all in pink And a dad who doesn't drink. Peter: Oh, and that reminds me, twelve kegs of beer. The Griffins (except Brian): All these happy wishes And lots of Christmas cheer Is all I really want this year. Brian: Santa's got his work cut out for him. Peter: Oh, we ain't even gotten started yet. Lois: I wanna tour the Spanish coast... Peter: Lunch with Michael Landon's ghost... Peter and Lois: Is all I really want for Christmas this year. Lois: Wait, what? Peter: Forget it. Keep goin'. Chris: Jennifer Garner in my bed... Meg: Softer voices in my head... Chris and Meg: Is all I really want for Christmas this year. Stewie: Yellow cake uranium. Never mind the reason. Also Chutes and Ladders and a ball. [laughs] Brian: Doesn't this seem like too much stuff? Peter: Poo on you! It's not enough! DVD Lyrics: s** my dick. It's not enough! Stewie: Buddy boy, I got your Christmas right here. [grabs his crotch] DVD Lyrics: Why don't you go out and chase cars, you queer! Brian: Look who's talking. The Griffins: All these happy wishes And lots of Christmas cheer Is all I really want this year. Brian: I'm just saying it seems a bit excessive. Lois: Oh, get off your soapbox, Brian, it's Christmas. Peter: And Christmas is about gettin'. Everyone in town knows that. Quagmire: Japanese girls with no restraint Just to choke me till I faint Is all I really want for Christmas this year. Ooh, giggity! Bonnie: Platinum-plated silverware... Joe: Just one day when kids don't stare... Bonnie and Joe: Is all I really want for Christmas this year. Mort: If you put a Christmas tree In the public airport, I will go to court and sue your a**! Happy holiday! Mayor Adam West: Wouldn't I love a Tinkertoy? Herbert: And a little drummer boy. He can either tap his drum or my rear. Mayor Adam West, Herbert and Mort: All these happy wishes And lots of Christmas cheer Is all I really want this year. Tom Tucker: I want a golden mustache comb. Angela: And some s**micidal foam. Tom Tucker and Angela: That's all I really want for Christmas this year. Carter: I want a brand new pitching wedge. Consuela: I would like more Lemon Pledge. Carter and Consuela: That's all I really want for Christmas this year. Bruce: I just want a wedding ring From someone named Jeffrey. Jillian: I just want some colored Easter eggs. Carl: I want a Blu-ray of The Wiz. Tomak: We don't know what "Christmas" is. Bellgarde: We have something else called "Kishgev Fufleer". Everyone (except Brian): All these happy wishes And lots of Christmas cheer Is all I really want this year.