Voltaire - Cantina lyrics

Zombie Prostitute... (2006) version Two, two, three, four... Well, I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter Hell, you know how hot it gets on Tatooine Then I saw that there cantina I'll go in for an Orangina I heard it was rough, but how bad could it be? Well, I walked through the door and the music stopped (Dead) All manner of men and beasts were staring at me Seems just one week before Their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door And I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen I lost more than my heart in that cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar My an*s, he destroyed And now I got me hemmeroids With my guts hanging out my a** I wasn't going far I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo I'd have never guessed that pirate was a h*mo I woke up next to Chewbacca I was smeared in Wookiee ca-ca And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no I lost more than my heart in that cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man Ol' Salacious Crumb is so small, you can't detect him Before I knew it, he shoved himself straight in my rectum And then just to be heinous He screamed real loud out of my an*s Now I got an an*l car alarm and I can't disconnect him Oh, Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie And he yanked that s**er 'til it was so teeny He took me into Jabba's hut He stared intently at my bu*t And he oo-ta-too-ta'ed me with his zucchini I lost more than my heart in that cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man (Take it away, boys...) Well, the guy walked up and said, "My friend doesn't like you" (I said, "Sorry") He said, "I don't like you either, you better watch yourself" (I think his name was Tom Waits) Then some old dude who taught Vader Chopped his arm off with a saber That later made for one red hot an*l invader I was broken on the floor beat to a stupor Then I was saved, there at the door were ten stormtroopers But then my hope faded away I didn't know they cloned 'em gay And they each took turns stormtroopin' me in the pooper I lost more than my heart in that cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek Which is why I still go there every week Ooky Spooky (2007) version Well, I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter Hell, you know how hot it gets on Tatooine Well, then I saw that there cantina I'll go in for an Orangina I heard it was rough, but how bad could it be? Well, I walked through the door and the music stopped (It's dead) All manner of men and beasts were staring at me Seems just one week before Their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door And I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen I lost more than my heart in that cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo I'd have never guessed that pirate was a h*mo I woke up next to Chewbacca I was smeared in Wookiee ca-ca And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no Oh, Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie And he yanked that s**er 'til it was so teeny He pulled me into Jabba's hut He stared intently at my bu*t And then he oo-ta-too-ta'ed me with his zucchini I lost more than my heart in that cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man (Take it away, boy...) Well, the guy walked up and said, "My friend doesn't like you" (I said, "Sorry") He said, "I don't like you either, you better watch yourself" (I think his name was Tom Waits) Then some old dude who taught Vader Chopped his arm off with a saber That later made for one red hot an*l invader I was broken on the floor beat to a stupor Then I was saved, there at the door were ten stormtroopers But then my hope faded away I didn't know they cloned 'em gay And they each took turns stormtroopin' me in the pooper I lost more than my heart in that cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek Which is why I still go there every week