Vincent McEveety - Star Trek: Shore Leave lyrics

[Bridge] (Enterprise is orbiting a very green planet, and a young female Yeoman is getting a signature from the Captain.) KIRK: Anything from the landing party? SPOCK: They should be sending up a report momentarily, Captain. (Kirk stretches and groans) Something wrong? KIRK: A kink in my back. (behind his back the Yeoman starts to ma**age it) That's it. A little higher, please. Push. Push hard. Dig it in there, Mister (Spock steps forward and Kirk realises who is ma**aging his lower back) KIRK: Thank you, Yeoman. That's sufficient. TONIA: You need sleep, Captain. If it's not out of line KIRK: I have enough of that from Doctor McCoy, Yeoman. Thank you. SPOCK: Doctor McCoy is correct, Captain. After what this ship has been through in the last three months, there is not a crewman aboard who is not in need of rest. Myself excepted, of course. KIRK: Have Doctor McCoy's report channeled to my quarters, Lieutenant. UHURA: Aye, aye, Captain. [Planet surface - Glade] SULU: Beautiful, beautiful. No animals, no people, no worries. Just what the doctor ordered. Right, Doctor? MCCOY: I couldn't have prescribed better. We are one weary ship. SULU: Do you think the Captain will authorise shore leave here? MCCOY: Depending upon my report and that of the other scouting parties. You know, you have to see this place to believe it. It's like something out of Alice in Wonderland. The Captain has to come down. SULU: He'd like it. MCCOY: He needs it. You've got your problems, I've got mine. He's got ours, plus his, plus four hundred and thirty other people's. Where are you going? SULU: To get some cell-structure records. A blade of gra**, a bush, a tree, a flower petal. With these, we can tell the whole planet's biology. (As Sulu crouches down behind some pampas gra**, McCoy turns and looks straight at a white rabbit in a check jacket, yellow waistcoat, and looking at a gold pocket-watch.) RABBIT: Oh, my paws and whiskers! I'll be late. (It heads off down a hole. Then a young girl comes running up, wearing a blue dress with a white apron.) ALICE: Excuse me, sir. Have you seen a rather large white rabbit with a yellow waistcoat and white gloves here about? (Wordlessly, McCoy points in the direction the rabbit went. The girl curtseys nicely) ALICE: Thank you very much. (She runs off after the rabbit) MCCOY: Sulu! SULU: What is it? What's the matter? MCCOY: Did you see them? SULU: See what? I don't see anything. What is it, Doc? [Kirk's quarters] (The Captain is dictating his log in the presence of Yeoman Tonia Barrows) KIRK: Captain's log. Stardate 3025 er, point 3. We are orbiting an uninhabited planet in the Omicron Delta region. A planet remarkably like Earth, or how we remember Earth to be. Park-like, beautiful, green, flowers, trees, green lawn, quiet and restful. Almost too good to be true. TONIA: Sir, I don't see your name in any of the shore parties. KIRK: I may be tired, Yeoman, but I'm not falling apart. Dismissed. TONIA: Aye, aye, sir. (She leaves, and Spock enters) KIRK: Mister Spock, we're beaming down the starboard section first. Which section would you like to go with? SPOCK: Not necessary in my case, Captain. On my planet, to rest is to rest, to cease using energy. To me, it is quite illogical to run up and down on green gra** using energy instead of saving it. (Intercom whistles) KIRK: Kirk here. UHURA [OC]: Doctor McCoy calling from the planet, Captain. KIRK: Yes. Open a channel, Uhura. UHURA [OC]: Aye, aye, sir. [Glade] MCCOY: Captain, are you beaming down? [Kirk's quarters] KIRK: I hadn't planned to, Bones. Why? [Glade] MCCOY: Well, either our scouting probes and detectors are malfunctioning, and all us scouts careless and beauty-intoxicated, or I must report myself unfit for duty. [Kirk's quarters] KIRK: Explain. [Glade] MCCOY: On this supposedly uninhabited planet, I just saw a large rabbit [Kirk's quarters] MCCOY [OC]: Pull a gold watch from his vest and claim that he was late. KIRK: That's pretty good. I got one for you. The rabbit was followed by a little blonde girl, right? [Glade] MCCOY: As a matter of fact, yes. [Kirk's quarters] MCCOY [OC]: And they disappeared through a hole in a hedge. KIRK: All right, Doctor, I'll take your report under consideration. Captain out. That's a McCoy pill, with a little mystery sugar-coating. He wants to get me down there. I'm afraid I won't swallow it. SPOCK: Very well, Captain. Something I did come to discuss. KIRK: Yes, Mister Spock, what is it? SPOCK: I picked this up from Doctor McCoy's log. We have a crewmember aboard who's showing signs of stress and fatigue. Reaction time down nine to twelve percent, a**ociational reading norm minus three. KIRK: That's much too low a rating. SPOCK: He's becoming irritable and quarrelsome, yet he refuses to take rest and rehabilitation. Now, He has that right, but we've found KIRK: A crewman's right ends where the safety of the ship begins. That man will go a shore on my orders. What's his name? SPOCK: James Kirk. Enjoy yourself, Captain. It's an interesting planet. You'll find it quite pleasant. Very much like your Earth. [Planet surface] (An establishing shot of a landscape) SPOCK [OC]: Scouts have detected no animals, artefacts, or force fields of any kind. Only peace, sunshine, and good air. You'll have no problems. (But as these words are spoken, a rock raises itself to reveal a cla**ic western-style six shooter gun.) (Elsewhere, a man and a woman are taking scans of the vegetation) TELLER: (the woman) Does it always have to be work with you? There's so much loveliness. RODRIGUEZ: You won't find all this so lovely if our report for the Captain isn't ready when he asks for it, which shouldn't be long. (Kirk and Barrows beam down) KIRK: Rodriguez, Teller, everything all right? RODRIGUEZ: Yes, sir. We've completed the specimen survey. KIRK: Good. That should be sufficient. Beam it up to Mister Spock when you're ready, and start enjoying yourselves. RODRIGUEZ: Thank you, sir. And sir, I think you'll find Doctor McCoy and Mister Sulu that way. KIRK: Thank you. (Walking along) KIRK: Restful. After what we've been through, it's hard to believe a place this beautiful exists. TONIA: It is beautiful. So lovely, and restful. I mean, affirmative, Captain. KIRK: McCoy! McCoy! MCCOY: Over here. Over here. (They meet up by the lake) KIRK: Bones, know any good rabbit jokes lately? MCCOY: As a matter of fact, I do, but this is not one of them. Look at this. (a pair of large tracks in the soil) I saw what I saw, or maybe I hallucinated it, but I want you to take a look and tell me what you think about it. KIRK: Footprints. Could be a rabbit. It would have to be an unusual creature to make this size tracks. What about Mister Sulu? Will he confirm what you saw? MCCOY: Negative. He was examining the flora at the time. KIRK: Bridge, this is the Captain. TONIA: Where is Mister Sulu? MCCOY: Collecting specimens. UHURA [OC]: Bridge. KIRK: Has the first shore party beamed down yet? UHURA: Negative, Captain. They're just about to start. KIRK: Get this message to all shore parties. Stand by. No one is to leave the ship. UHURA: Aye, aye, sir. MCCOY: You're cancelling the shore leave on account of this, Jim? KIRK: You're the doctor, Doctor. Can you explain this? MCCOY: Well, no. KIRK: Neither can I. I admit it looks harmless. It probably is harmless. But before I bring my people down here, I want proof it's harmless. (They hear a gunshot. Kirk draws his phaser and they head off in the direction of the shot. More are fired.) [Woodland path] (They find Sulu target practising) KIRK: What do you think you're doing? SULU: Target shooting, Captain. Isn't it a beauty? Haven't got anything like this in my collection. KIRK: Where did you get it, Mister Sulu? SULU: I found it. I know it's a crazy coincidence, but I've always wanted one like this. Found it lying right over there. An old-time police special, and in beautiful condition. Hasn't been one like this made in a couple of centuries. KIRK: (holding out his hand for the offending weapon) Mister Sulu. SULU: (handing it over) It fires lead pellets propelled by expanding gases from a chemical explosion. KIRK: I'll hang on to it. The fresh air seems to have made you trigger-happy. TONIA: Doctor McCoy's rabbit, sir. He must have gone through here. KIRK: Are you sure our instruments didn't show any animal life on this planet? MCCOY: Absolutely. No birds, no mammals, no insects, nothing. I'm certain our readings weren't off. KIRK: I'd like to believe this is an elaborate gag, but. Yeoman Barrows, you accompany Mister Sulu. Find out where those tracks came from. Doctor, you come with me back to the glade. I'd like another look at that area. (As they head back, an aerial comes up in front of our point of view and follows them.) KIRK: This is turning out to be one very unusual shore leave. MCCOY: Well, it could have been worse. KIRK: How? MCCOY: You could have seen the rabbit. KIRK: What's the matter, Bones, you getting a persecution complex? MCCOY: Well, yeah, I'm beginning to feel a little bit picked on, if that's what you mean. KIRK: I know the feeling very well. I had it at the Academy. An upper cla**man there. One practical joke after another, and always on me. My own personal devil. A guy by the name of Finnegan. MCCOY: And you being the very serious young KIRK: Serious? I'll make a confession, Bones. I was absolutely grim, which delighted Finnegan no end. He's the kind of guy to put a bowl of cold soup in your bed or a bucket of water propped on a half-open door. You never knew where he'd strike next. More tracks. Looks like your rabbit came from over there. MCCOY: A girl's footprints. The young blonde girl I saw chasing it. KIRK: Yes. You follow the rabbit. I'll backtrack the girl. I'll meet you around the other side of the hill. MCCOY: Good. I've got a personal grudge against that rabbit, Jim. (They split up, and then suddenly there's a young man leaning against a tree trunk) FINNEGAN: (in a dreadful cod-Irish accent) Jim. KIRK: Finnegan? I can't believe it. FINNEGAN: You never know when I'm going to strike, huh, Jim? (hits him on the jaw) How's this? Come on, come on. It's me, Finnegan. All right, Jimmy boy. (maniacal laughter) Go ahead, lay one on me. That's what you always wanted, isn't it? Come on. Come on. KIRK: All right, let's try that one again. Go! (He just lays hands on Finnegan for a good fight, when they hear screams. Kirk runs off to investigate) FINNEGAN: Go! Any excuse, Jim baby. Run away! Run away! Run away! (Along the path, he meets McCoy) MCCOY: What was it? KIRK: Yeoman Barrows. (They arrive on the scene to find Tonia disheveled, her uniform torn, hugging a tree) KIRK: What happened? TONIA: I don't know. I mean I do know. I was following the tracks, and there he was. KIRK: Who was? TONIA: Him. KIRK: Barrows, give me a report. TONIA: He had a cloak, sir, and a dagger with j**els on it. KIRK: Are you sure you're not imagining all this? TONIA: Captain, I know it sounds incredible, but I did not imagine it any more than I imagined he did this. MCCOY: Sounds like Don Juan. TONIA: Yes. Yes. It was so sort of story book walking around here, and I was thinking, all a girl needs is Don Juan. Just day dreaming, the way you would about someone you'd like to meet. KIRK: Mister Sulu was with you. Where is he now? TONIA: He ran after him. KIRK: Stay with her, Doctor. (He heads off in the direction she indicates) KIRK: Mister Sulu! Sulu! (An aerial comes up from a rock and monitors him as he runs along the path) KIRK: Mister Sulu! Sulu! [Rocky outcrop] (The Captain runs across a barren piece of ground towards a rocky outcrop, which suddenly gains palms and banana plants when he gets there.) KIRK: Sulu! (He picks an orange flower, and becomes wistful. And there she is, blonde and lovely, her dress half white, half black and roses.) KIRK: Ruth? Ruth. RUTH: Jim, darling, it is me. It is Ruth. (She kisses him) Captain's log. Stardate 3025.8. Investigation of this increasingly unusual planet continues, and we are seeing things that cannot possibly exist, yet they are undeniably real. [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: (into communicator) McCoy, do you read me? Ruth. Ruth, how can it be you? How could you possibly be here? You haven't aged. It's been fifteen years. RUTH: It doesn't matter. None of that matters. (His communicator beeps) KIRK: Kirk here. MCCOY [OC]: Did you find Mister Sulu, Captain? KIRK: What? MCCOY [OC]: Did you find Mister Sulu? KIRK: No, but I'm sure he's all right. MCCOY [OC]: Sir? Are you all right? KIRK: Yes, I'm fine. RODRIQUEZ [OC]: Rodriguez to Captain Kirk. KIRK: Yes, Mister Rodriguez. RODRIQUEZ [OC]: Captain, a while ago, I saw well, birds, a whole flock of them. KIRK: Don't you like birds, Mister Rodriguez? RODRIQUEZ [OC]: I like them fine, sir, but all our surveys showed KIRK; Then offhand I'd say our instruments are defective. There are indeed life-forms on this planet. RODRIQUEZ [OC]: Sir, our surveys couldn't have been that wrong. KIRK: Mister Rodriguez, have the search parties rendezvous at the glade. I'd like some answers to all this. RODRIQUEZ [OC]: Aye, aye, sir. RUTH: You have to go? KIRK: I don't want to. RUTH: You'll see me again if you want to. KIRK: You haven't told me. You haven't told me RUTH: Do what you have to do, and I'll be waiting. KIRK: Ruth. (communicator beeps) KIRK: Kirk here. SPOCK [OC]: Captain. KIRK: Yes, Mister Spock. [Bridge] SPOCK: I'm getting strange readings from the planet surface, Captain. Some sort of power field down there. [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: Specify. SPOCK [OC]: A highly sophisticated type of energy draining our power and increasing, beginning to affect our communications. KIRK: Can you pinpoint the source? [Bridge] SPOCK: Could be coming from beneath the planet's surface. Patterns indicate some sort of industrial activity. [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: Keep me posted, Mister Spock. We'll continue our investigation down here. Captain out. (He walks off) [Woodland path] (Meanwhile, back at the tree where Tonia met Don Juan, something is monitoring them. The couple go walking arm in arm through the tropical plants.) MCCOY: Feeling better? TONIA: A little, but I wouldn't want to be alone here. MCCOY: It's a beautiful place. A little strange, I'll admit. TONIA: That's just it. It's almost too beautiful. I was thinking, even before my tunic was torn, that in a place like this a girl should be, oh let's see now, a girl should be dressed like a fairy-tale princess, with lots of floaty stuff and a tall hat with a veil. MCCOY: I see what you mean, but then you'd have whole armies of Don Juans to fight off. And me, too. TONIA: Is that a promise, Doctor? (He takes her hands in his, and they gaze into each others eyes for a long second. Then she spots her dream clothing hanging on some shrubs) TONIA: Oh, Doctor, they're lovely. Look at me, Doctor. A lady to be protected and fought for. A princess of the blood royale. MCCOY: You are all of those things and many more. They'll look even lovelier with you wearing them. TONIA: Doctor, I'm afraid. MCCOY: Now, look, I don't know how or why, but the dress is here. I'd like to see you in it. Why don't you put it on? TONIA: All right, but you stay right there. Don't peek. MCCOY: My dear girl, I am a doctor. When I peek, it's in the line of duty. (he turns his back on her, and his communicator beeps) RODRIGUEZ [OC]: Calling Doctor McCoy. MCCOY: McCoy here. I can't read you very well. Is this Rodriguez? RODRIGUEZ [OC]: This is all the volume I can get on this thing. Can't read you well, either. Captain's orders. Rendezvous at that glade where he first found you. MCCOY: Right. What the devil's wrong with communications? Esteban. Esteban. (But Esteban and Teller have problems of their own - a tiger has them trapped) RODRIQUEZ: Doctor. Doctor. Doctor McCoy! (The tiger gets bored and leaves. Tonia emerges from her changing room looking lovely, and happy in her Disney fantasy creation.) [Bridge] KIRK [OC]: You're the science officer, Mister Spock. I want some answers. [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: First there was McCoy's Alice in Wonderland where there was supposedly no animal life. And Sulu's gun where there's no refined metal detected. Rodriguez' birds. And then my, well, the two people I saw. [Bridge] SPOCK: Any chance these could be hallucinations? [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: One hallucination flattened me with a clout on the jaw. [Bridge] KIRK [OC]: The other. SPOCK: That sounds like a painful reality. [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: Yes. SPOCK [OC]: There must be some logical explanation. [Bridge] SPOCK: Your signal is very weak. Can you turn up your gain? KIRK [OC]: I'm already on maximum. SPOCK: Captain, shall I beam down an armed party? [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: Negative. Our people here are armed with phasers. Besides, there's yet to be any real danger. (he sees geese flying overhead) Captain out. [Cliff face] (Sulu walks along by a cliff face, a hatch opens in the ground and out comes a Samurai to attack him. Sulu's phaser doesn't work and he is forced to dodge the long, sharp sword) [Rocky outcrop] KIRK: McCoy. McCoy, do you read me? Kirk to McCoy. Come in. (Sulu comes running over the rocks towards him) SULU: Captain, take cover! There's a Samurai after me. KIRK: A what? SULU: I mean, there was. (no one is chasing him now) Captain, you've got to believe me. KIRK: I do. I've met some interesting personalities myself. Have you seen any of the others while I've been gone? SULU: Got a call a few minutes ago. Rodriguez. Said you were rendezvousing back at the glade. KIRK: I hope he got through to everybody. Communications are almost out. SULU: That's not all. So's my phaser. (Kirk checks his own weapon - nothing) KIRK: Yeah. We'd better get to the glade. SULU: Yes, sir. (sound of a transporter beam) Look. Someone beaming down from the bridge. KIRK: Trying to. Something's obstructing it. (finally the familiar shape fully materialises) Mister Spock, my orders were no one was to leave the ship. SPOCK: Necessary, Captain. Unable to contact you by communicator, and the transporter is useless to us now. As I told you before, there's an unusual power field down here. It's soaking up all the energy at the source. I calculated the rate of its growth, and reasoned that I just might be able to transport one more person. KIRK: Good. We can use your help. SULU: We're stranded down here, Captain? KIRK: Until we can find out what this is all about. [Glade] TONIA: There's no one here. MCCOY: This is where the Captain said to rendezvous. (makes Tonia stand with her back to a tree) I swear I heard someone moving around. TONIA: Don't talk like that. MCCOY: A princess shouldn't be afraid, not with a brave knight to protect her. [Rocky outcrop] (The trio hear the snarl of a big cat) KIRK: That way. Spread out. Let's find it. [Glade] (A knight in armour on a black horse has appeared, and is coming towards them.) MCCOY: These things cannot be real. Hallucinations can't harm us. Go back to where you were. (Kirk and Spock arrive on the scene. The knight lowers his lance, charges, and runs McCoy through. Tonia screams. Spock draws his phaser, and Kirk the gun he confiscated from Sulu. He shoots the knight from his horse, then they run to McCoy.) TONIA: He's dead. Captain's log, supplemental. All contact with the Enterprise has been lost. We're trapped here. Our ship's surgeon, my personal friend, is dead. We're certain now that whatever we're facing is terribly real. [Glade] TONIA: It's my fault. It never would have happened. It's my fault. KIRK: No. TONIA: It is, it is. I'm to blame. KIRK: Yeoman! We're in trouble. I need every crewman alert and thinking. TONIA: Aye, aye, sir. SULU: (at the knight's body) Captain! Captain! (Kirk goes over) SULU: You'd better have a look at this, sir. (the knight is a plastic dummy) I don't understand. KIRK: Neither do I, Mister Sulu, but before we leave this planet, I will. SULU: It's like a dummy, Captain. It couldn't be alive. KIRK: Tricorder? SULU: Still operating, sir. KIRK: Mister Spock. (Spock and Sulu swap places, handing over the tricorder) What do you make of that? SPOCK: This is not human skin tissue, Captain. It more closely resembles the cellular casting we use for wound repairs. Much finer, of course. KIRK: I want an exact judgment, Mister Spock. SPOCK: This is definitely a mechanical contrivance. It has the same basic cell structure as the plants here, even the trees, the gra**. KIRK: Are you saying this is a plant, Mister Spock? SPOCK: I'm saying that these are all multicellular castings. The plants, the animals, the people. They're all being manufactured. KIRK: By who? And why? And why these particular things? SPOCK: All we know for certain is that they act exactly like the real thing. Just as pleasant or just as deadly. (There's a buzzing sound in the air, and a plane flies overhead) [Woodland path] TELLER: What is it? RODRIGUEZ: Of all the crazy things. Remember what I was telling you a while ago, about the early wars and funny air vehicles they used? That's one of them. TELLER: Can it hurt us? RODRIGUEZ: Not unless it makes a strafing run. TELLER: A what? RODRIGUEZ: The way they used to attack people on the ground. (the plane descends) Come on. (They run along the path, as a second plane joins the first, straight into a clump of trees. Angela falls to the ground having hit the tree.) RODRIGUEZ: Angela. [Glade] (Everyone has been watching the air show, then Sulu notices...) SULU: Captain! KIRK: McCoy's body? SULU: He's gone. Dragged off. TONIA: The black knight, too. KIRK: Spock? SPOCK: At this point, Captain, my an*lysis may not sound very scientific. KIRK: McCoy's d**h is a scientific fact. SPOCK: There is one slight possibility, very slim, but nevertheless. Captain, what were your thoughts just before you encountered the people you described? KIRK: I was, I was thinking about the Academy. My days FINNEGAN: Hey, Jim baby! I see you brought out reinforcements. Ha! Well, I'm waiting for you, Jimmy boy. KIRK: Finnegan. Finnegan! What's been happening to my people? (Finnegan laughs and runs off) KIRK: Take Sulu. Find McCoy's body. This man is my problem. SPOCK: Captain, wait. KIRK: That's an order, Mister Spock. (He runs off after Finnegan) FINNEGAN: Here I am! Run! [Rocky outcrop] FINNEGAN: Jim! Find me! Can't you see me? Come and get me! Here I am! Come on. You never could find your head with both hands! Like it used to be, Jimmy. Remember? (finally Kirk catches up to him, because he's lounging on a ledge) Hey, Jim KIRK: I want some answers. FINNEGAN: Coming up. (He jumps on Kirk and they have a fight. Finnegan knocks Kirk down) FINNEGAN: Get up. Get up. Get up. Always fight fair, don't you? True officer and gentleman, you. You stupid undercla**man. I've got the edge. I'm still twenty years old. Look at you. You're an old man. (The fight resumes, and Kirk punches Finnegan till he falls down a rocky slope and ends up writhing in pain) FINNEGAN: I can't move me leg. I can't feel me leg. My back is broken. You've broken me back. KIRK: Can you feel that? (He gets kicked to the ground) FINNEGAN: Can you feel that, now? (Kirk pa**es out) Sleep sweet, Jimmy boy. Sleep as long as you like. Sleep forever, Jim boy. Forever and forever. (A little later, Kirk regains consciousness) FINNEGAN: Won't you ever learn, Jim boy? You never could take me, you know. KIRK: Finnegan. One thing FINNEGAN: Sure. Name it. KIRK: Answers. FINNEGAN: Earn them! (He throws dirt in Kirk's face and the exchange of punches resumes until they're both too tired to continue.) FINNEGAN: Not bad. Kind of makes up for things, huh, Jim? KIRK: A lot of things. What's been happening to my people? FINNEGAN: I never answer questions from plebes, Jimmy boy. KIRK: I'm not a plebe. This is today, fifteen years later. What are you doing here? FINNEGAN: I'm being exactly what you expect me to be, Jimmy boy. (Kirk lands the final haymaker that knocks Finnegan out cold) SPOCK: Did you enjoy it, Captain? KIRK: Yes, I enjoyed it. After all these years. (realisation dawns) I did enjoy it. The one thing I wanted to do after all these years was to beat the tar out of Finnegan. SPOCK: Which supports a theory I've been formulating. KIRK: That we're all meeting people and things that we happen to be thinking about at the moment. SPOCK: Yes. Somehow our thoughts are read, these things are quickly manufactured and provided for us. KIRK: Dangerous if we happen to be thinking about SPOCK: Yes. We must all control our thoughts. KIRK: Difficult. SPOCK: The force field we encountered is obviously underground, manufacturing these things. Pa**ages lead to the surface. Just for example, when Rodriguez thought of a tiger KIRK: Spock. (The tiger is behind them, the chain around it's neck tethering it to the spot clearly visible) KIRK: We've got to get back to the landing party and warn them. (They start to run back to the glade. The aircraft strafe them, Kirk elbows the Samurai out of his way) [Glade] (Tonia has changed back into her uniform when Don Juan sneaks up behind her and grabs her, warding off Sulu and Rodriquez with his sword) KIRK: Sulu, Rodriguez, Barrows. Front and centre. (Don Juan runs off) SULU: Sir. KIRK: Don't ask any questions, Sulu. Face front, everyone. Don't talk. Don't breathe. Don't think. You're at attention. Concentrate on that and only that. Concentrate. SPOCK: Captain. (A smiling grey-haired man in a long green robe walks up to Kirk) KIRK: Who are you? CARETAKER: I'm the caretaker of this place, Captain Kirk. KIRK: You know my name? CARETAKER: But of course. Lieutenant Rodriguez, Lieutenant Sulu, Yeoman Barrows and Mister Spock. We've just discovered you don't understand all this. These experiences were intended to amuse you. KIRK: Amuse? That's your word for what we've been through? CARETAKER: But none of this is permanent. Here you have to only imagine your fondest wishes, either old ones you wish to relive or new ones, anything at all. Battle, fear, love, triumph. Anything that pleases you can be made to happen. SPOCK: The term is amusement park. CARETAKER: Of course. SPOCK: An old Earth name for a place where people could go to see and do all sorts of fascinating things. CARETAKER: This entire planet was constructed for our race of people to come and play. SULU: Play? As advanced as you obviously are, and you still play? KIRK: Yes, play, Mister Sulu. The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play. CARETAKER: Exactly, Captain. How very perceptive of you. KIRK: But that still doesn't explain the d**h of my ship's surgeon. MCCOY: Possibly because no one has died, Jim. (Strolls in with a lovely girl on each arm) I was taken below the surface for some rather remarkable repairs. It's amazing. They've got a factory complex down there you wouldn't believe. They can build or do anything immediately. TONIA: (not amused) And how do you explain them? MCCOY: Oh. Them. Well I, er, I was thinking about a little cabaret I know on Rigel Two, and, er, there were these two girls in the chorus line. And well, here they are. Well after all, I am on shore leave. TONIA: And so am l. MCCOY: Oh, yes. So you are. Well, girls, I suppose you can turn something up. (The cabaret girls go to Sulu and Spock.) CARETAKER: We regret that some of you've been made uncomfortable. KIRK: You say your people built all this. Who are you? What planet are you from? CARETAKER: My impression is that your race is not yet ready to understand us, Captain. SPOCK: I tend to agree. (a communicator beeps) KIRK: Kirk here. UHURA [OC]: This is the bridge, Captain. Our power systems have just come back in. Do you require a**istance? KIRK: No, everything is in order, Lieutenant. Stand by. CARETAKER: However. UHURA [OC]: Aye, aye, sir. CARETAKER: If you would use the proper caution, this amusement planet of ours could be an ideal place for your people to enjoy themselves, if you wish. MCCOY: It's what the doctor ordered, Jim. KIRK: Lieutenant. UHURA [OC]: Sir? KIRK: Commence transporting shore leave parties. Tell them to prepare for the best shore leave they've ever had. Kirk out. SPOCK: (handing the girl over to Sulu) Captain, I'll go back aboard ship and take over. With all due respect to the young lady, I've already had as much shore leave as I care for. KIRK: No, Mister Spock. I'll go. You. (then he sees Ruth walking towards the group) On the other hand, I'll stay for a day or two. [Bridge] SPOCK: Did you enjoy your rest, gentlemen? KIRK: Yes, we did, Mister Spock. I think we did. MCCOY: Indeed we did, Mister Spock. SPOCK: Most illogical. KIRK: Ahead warp factor one, Mister Sulu.