Vile Villin - If You Don't Know Act 1 Scene 2 lyrics

Scene 2: Judge's Chambers (Enter Judge Newt) Newt: [tapping fish bowl] f** my fish died again. Why does Lieutenant Shiny Sides die every day? Hey secretary b**h come in here (Enter his secretary 123andtoteh4) 123andtoteh4: Yes sir? Newt: b**h go find me another goldfish 123andtoteh4: Yes sir, right away sir. Newt: And give me my mail 123andtoteh4: Yes sir (123andtoteh4 hands him the mail and exits.) Newt: You can never find any good help these days Newt: Hmm this letter looks interesting [opens and reads letter] Dear Judge Newt, It's going down today. Remember what I told you. If you place him in prison on 1,000,000 IQ bond I will transfer 20,000 IQ points your way. Don't forget or sh** will get real. Sincerely, You better know who the f** this is fu*k I FORGOT! (Enter Stephen Niday and Algernon) Stephen: Hey Newt it's nice to see ya (Cue 30 second handshake routine) Newt: It's been a long time how are you guys doing? Alg: I'll get to the point. Our friend Vill is having a hearing today and we need you to get him out of it. He's innocent and it's obvious. Newt: I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about that. It's a murder charge. We'll have to hold him on 100,000 IQ bail I'm afraid Stephen: Yeah but how's your wife gonna feel when she finds out about you and 123andtoteh4 (Stephen shows him shall we say "interesting" photos) Newt: Oh so you learned to play hardball huh Stephen. Alright I'll see what I can do. Now get the f** out of my office (Exit Stephen and Algernon) Newt: b**h get in here and put my robe on. And get Officer Platano to bring in that phaggot Villin. **time lapse** (Enter Judge Newt, Officer Platano, Court stenographer Krypt, and Villin into court room. Stephen Niday and Algernon sit in the back) Judge Newt: Order in the court. We are here to listen to this phaggot Villin spew his garbage Krypt: Ay slow down b**h. I can't type dat fast. Vill: I can prove my innocence Judge Newt: Shut the f** up. You sound like a phaggot. You will be placed in a holding cell on 100,000 IQ bail and we will reconvene in a few days. (Throws up middle finger to Stephen Niday) Vill: What? Judge Newt: OK let me speak your phaggot language. Officer Platano will take you to a place where you will have all of your wildest dreams come true. There you go. (Officer Platano escorts Vill into holding cell) Officer Platano: Now get in there and shut up. I don't wanna hear your bullsh**. Lemson come welcome this phaggot. By the way I have something for you. (Officer Platano hands Lemson c**aine out of f**ing nowhere. Lemson gives Officer Platano money and Lem begins to talk to Vill) Lemson: Ah this is the place. RG prison. You comfortable yet? Vill: Uh no. I need to get out of here I'm innocent. Lemson: So am I. I'm in here for posting tranny p**n. You? Vill: They accused me of murder Lemson: LOL murder that's cute (Mykro and Straightface come out of the back. Mykro wipes his face) Mykro: Hey I'm Mykro what's up? Vill: Uh.. what is this kid doing in here he looks like 12 years old Straightface: Yeah I was just teaching him about God back there so he could change his ways. I'm very spiritual Vill: Cool story bruh Straightface: [under his breath] Phaggot (Exit Straightface) Lemson: So what's your name again? Vill: Villin, but you can call me Vill Lemson: OK Vill. Do you want to see what prison is all about? Vill: No [yelling] I just want out of here (Vill starts banging on the bars) Lemson: Hey Mykro get over here b**h Mykro: What's up Lem? Lemson: Turn around Mykro: This again. I thought we only did this on Thursdays (Lemson Jams01's his... er, Sanduskies Mykro) Lemson: You're next Vill Mykro: It only hurts a little bit (Officer Platano comes back) Officer Platano: Villin, you made bail you lucky ba*tard. GTFO. Villin: What who bailed me out? Stephen and Alg don't have that type of coin. (Villin sees Northstars and a cloaked figure outside of the jail house. Exit Officer Platano) Villin: Detective North? You bailed me out? North: Nope definitely not me. This is your savior (points to cloaked figure) Villin: Thank you sir, I'm not sure who you are but you saved me (Cloaked figure takes cloak off and reveals himself (no h*mo)) Villin: Wait I know you... you're Cloaked figure: Yes, I'm Maboo. Not so nice to finally meet you. Villin: What? Maboo? But they're accusing me of k**ing you. Why are you doing this to me? Maboo: Well the d**h part was very convenient. The truth is I'm tired of beefing with wack old people like Warren Buffett. I just want to kick back and live in paradise. Villin: So what is it that you want from me? Maboo: Well it's simple actually. I want to laze around paradise but still make money. So you see I'm in a bit of a pickle, no h*mo. I need you to go on a treasure hunt for me Villin: Seriously? A treasure hunt? What's in it for me? Maboo: Well see I'm looking for the legendary treasure of PriestHolmes. He died a year ago(RIP) and he left behind a ma**ive treasure some place in South America. It's worth 5,000,000 IQ and I have the resources to fund you Villin: 5,000,000? Maboo: Yeah. I'll take my 4,000,000 and then you can split your 1,000,000 five ways. Villin: 5 ways? Maboo: Oh yeah I forgot to mention. You have to pay Northstars and then you have to pay the four people you can take with you on this journey. Villin: 4 people? Maboo: Why am I repeating myself? 4 PEOPLE!!! So choose wisely Villin: OK I think I'm up to speed but I have to ask you one question. Why choose me? Nobody even knows me. Maboo: That's the point. If you die nobody will care. And Pio kind of recommended you. Villin: Pio? He hates me. (Enter Pio) Pio: I don't hate you I just think you're a worthless piece of cretin that doesn't deserve to work in my building anymore. I'm hoping you die. But I have to go with your sorry b**h a**. Villin: Pio is coming with me? Maboo: Yes I thought I said this earlier. You get to take 3 people and Pio with you so choose wisely. Are you hard of hearing or what? Villin: OK so what's my first mission? Maboo: OK once you a**emble your team I will send you to find a map to the treasure of PriestHolmes. Only one man in the world has it. Villin: Who's that? Maboo: He lives in the f**ing dungeons of rap. His name is... RedMasta Pio: Oh great lets f**ing start this fancy pansy sh** little journey so I can just see you die already. Exeunt