Victoria Wood - The Ballad of Barry and Freda (Let's Do It) lyrics

Freda and Barry sat one night The sky was clear. The stars were bright The wind was soft. The moon was up Freda drained her cocoa cup She licked her lips. She felt sublime She switched off Gardeners' Question Time Barry cringed in fear and dread As Freda grabbed his tie, and said: Let's do it! Let's do it Do it while the mood is right! I'm feeling Appealing I've really got an appetite I'm on fire With desire I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it I can't do it I don't believe in too much s** This fashion For pa**ion Turns us into nervous wrecks No derision! My decision I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television I can't do it I can't do it tonight So she said: Let's do it! Let's do it Do it till our hearts go boom! Go native Creative Living in the living room This folly Is jolly Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it I can't do it Me 'eavy breathing days have gone I'm older Feel colder It's other things that turn me on I'm imploring: I'm boring Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring I can't do it I can't do it tonight So she said: Let's do it! Let's do it Have a crazy night of love! I'll strip bare I'll just wear Stilettos and an oven glove Don't starve a Girl of a palaver Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it I can't do it I know I'd only get it wrong Don't angle For me to dangle Me arms 'ave never been that strong Stop pouting Stop shouting You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it Share a night of wild romance Frenetic Poetic! This could be your last big chance To quote Milton To eat Stilton To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it I can't do it I've got other little jobs on hand Don't grouse Around the house I've got a busy evening planned Stop nagging I'm flagging You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it While I'm really in the mood! Three cheers! It's years Since I caught you even semi-nude Be drastic Gymnastic Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it I can't do it I must refuse to get undressed I feel silly It's too chilly To go without me thermal vest Don't choose me Don't use me Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it! I feel I absolutely must I won't exempt you Want to tempt you Want to drive you mad with lust No cautions Just contortions! Smear an avocado on me lower portions Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it I can't do it It's really not my cup of tea I'm hara**ed Embarra**ed I wish you hadn't picked on me No dramas! Give me me pyjamas The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it! I really want to run amok Let's wiggle Let's jiggle Let's really make the rafters rock Be mighty Be flighty Come and melt the bu*tons on me flameproof nightie Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! Let's do it! Let's do it! I really want to rant and rave Let's go Cause I know Just how I want you to behave: Not bleakly Not meekly Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly Let's do it! Let's do it tonight!