Vice - Mr. Happy lyrics

[TITLE CARD] mr happy CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - NIGHT Fireworks are being shot overhead as the screen flashes to VICTOR BENNETT, trying to suffocate himself with a sandwich bag. After a few seconds, he pulls it off, gasping for air. CUT TO: SUPPLY GUYZ STORAGE ROOM - DAY Victor is standing at a copy machine. We see a "SMILE - YOU'RE ON CAMERA" sign located near the machine. The screen cuts to the copy machine scanning an item for a 50% off sale until Victor is interrupted by his co-worker, REED. REED: Vicky! What's up Victor? He-hey man. An eccentric Reed and a sullen Victor do a bit of a fist bump ritual. REED (cont): Woo! Boom! Ya blow it up at the end. So uhh how's uhh, how's Shereen, uhh, Shereen, how's Shereen doing? I haven't seen her in a while. CUT TO: RICH GUY'S MANSION A dog wanders up the stairs of the mansion as we hear SHEREEN over a voice mail. SHEREEN: Hey, it's me, can't come to the phone right now, leave me a message please. The screen jerks to the upper level of the mansion wear we see a bra on top of a bathtub. The camera wanders to RICH GUY f**ing Shereen pretty hard as it cuts between Victor talking into his phone. VICTOR: Hey, it's me. Uhh, I'm just calling again to uhh, to try and uhh, get to you. CUT TO: SUPPLY GUYZ STORAGE ROOM - DAY A sullen Victor looks at the ground then back at Reed. REED: Dude, awesome man, that's awesome! A slightly irritated Victor watches him walk away then proceeds to go back to work. CUT TO: VICTOR'S BATHROOM - NIGHT Victor stares into the mirror, checking his facial features while he does so. He then opens a small bottle of pills and chugs them down. As he walks out, he rushes back in and spits them into the sink. CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - NIGHT We see a bite taken out of a donut as the screen cuts back to Victor, still in a towel, noticeably either still wet or sweaty, looking very nervous as his fan runs. The rooms pans around to reveal the rest of it's details until it stops at an old computer, where Victor sits down at it's chair. Victor types into Google "I can't k** myself". He reads through the links and selects one to an online forum. A voiceover reads the posts. VOICEOVER: You know, you can always get someone else to do it for you, if you're too p**y... I've heard of a service. VOICEOVER: Mr. Happy???? (echos) Victor stares with more intent into the computer screen. VOICEOVER: Give it a shot. Victor clicks a link to "WWW.MRHAPPY.COM/DEATH.EDU. An "Are you over 18" warning appears, and Victor selects enter. With more intent, Victor stares into the screen as the outline of a yellow smiley face begins to shrink down to a viewable size with ominous noises and static playing in the background. CUT TO: SUPPLY GUYZ STORAGE ROOM - DAY Victor is stacking glue sticks on a shelf and drops a couple as Reed interrupts him. REED: He-hey Victor, how you doing huh? How bout that weather today huh? We then see the screen cut to a women getting a paper cut as she's applying photos to a poster. WOMAN: Ahh, f**! Victor hears this and goes over to the women. VICTOR: Miss? Miss, are you alright? WOMAN: Ahh, f**ing hurt. VICTOR: Uhmm..., here, use this, uhh, lemme get you a bandage. Reed appears out of nowhere with a bandage, attempting to stick it on Victor's beard. REED: You want one of these? VICTOR: Thank you. WOMAN: Thank you. Victor applies the bandage to the woman and their eyes meet briefly while he does this. The lights go dark and appear yellower when they re-appear. WOMAN: I wanna f** your little dick while you cum inside of me. The yellow tint of the lights disappear as the woman leaves. WOMAN: Thank you. Thanks so much. VICTOR: Uhhm... Reed appears out of nowhere again and straddles his arm and head on Victor's shoulder. REED: Hey. You're welcome bro. CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - NIGHT Victor, once again, is on the Mr. Happy website. MR. HAPPY: Well, now welcome to Mr. Happy, where we'll take the pain away today! That's right, you're just a few clicks away from ending it all! Whatever the reason, doesn't matter - I'm here for ya! Various graphics occur, such as a spinning rainbow and the smiley face winking. MR. HAPPY (cont): All you have to do is answer a few questions on your computer, punch in some credit card information, and boom - you're that much closer to getting rid of all those pesky little problems! The graphics now include a credit card, an explosion mushroom, and a knife stabbing a mouse. MR. HAPPY (cont): Customer satisfaction, guaranteed. CUT TO: CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY Victor walks up to the cash register to make a purchase. He stares away and we see he's looking at someone gripping a girl's a**. He looks down and the screen cuts to Alex, the store clerk, and Victor's purchase, a single bottle of Bepto. Victor stares back and we see the full sight: a couple making some pa**ionate love next to the check out counter. CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - NIGHT Victor is back on the Mr. Happy website. The screen reads, "On a scale from 1-10, 10 being irreparable sadness, how sad are you?" Victor stares at the question, then selects the bu*ton with the number "10" on it. The computer screen immediately says he is denied service, and Victor looks confused. He hits the back bu*ton and selects the bu*ton with the number "10" on it again. He is once again denied, and we can hear his heart racing as he can't fathom what's happening. Victor continues this pattern of refreshing, hitting the bu*ton with the number "9" on it, and being denied, then the bu*ton with the number "10" on it again, and being denied with that too. Victor stares intensely at the question and as he hovers his mouse to the side of the bu*ton layout, a bu*ton with the number "11" on it appears. Upon clicking it, Victor gets a congratulations message saying he his one step closer to dying as an applause track kicks in. CUT TO: CONVENIENCE STORE PARKING LOT- DAY Victor walks back to his car as he stares at another approaching him. We see the man inside of the car smoking a cigarette as Victor enters the car, still staring at the man. A series of cuts between Victor and the man ensue. CUT TO: SUPPLY GUYZ - DAY Reed is helping a customer fix a printer. REED: You just gotta, you gotta kinda force it in there, you gotta man power it, you know? Victor stares at this and Reed once again makes a sudden approach towards him. REED (cont): Hey Victoria! Ha ha ha! So uhh, I saw you got a bunch of checks piling up back there. VICTOR: Yeah. REED: Might wanna go grab those, okay? Telling you man, lots of dollar bills. CUT TO: SUPPLY GUYZ OFFICE - DAY Victor is sifting through his checks on a barstool, one for $43.92 and another for $63.43. Victor then shuts off a lamp and leaves Supply Guyz. CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - NIGHT Back on the Mr. Happy website, a screen appears saying "How would you like to die?" with four options. Victor selects the one with the image of a gun, and the screen flashes a message saying "Excellent Choice!" Another screen appears asking "Pain Preference?" with two options: Painless or Painful. Victor selects Painless and another message appears saying "All done! Time to checkout..." The payment information page shows the final price to be $10,000. Chance is shocked and checks his bank account. VOICEOVER: You have one hundred twenty four dollars and twelve cents. Victor reaches into his trash and pulls out an ad from his mail with a credit card allowing up for a $10,000 loan. He types in his information on the site's payment plan screen, and it starts to process his request. The screen cuts in on the computer, reading: VOICEOVER: Due to the nature of your purchase, there is no stopping the delivery of, one bullet, sent by, Mr. Happy, on the date of, February the 14th. Thank you and have a great day. As we see the calendar, the current date is February the 12th, giving Victor two days to live. We see him giving off a blank smile. CUT TO: ROADWAY - AFTERNOON Victor is walking to his car and unlocking it as he hears a woman;s voice. WOMAN: Supply Guy? The screen cuts to the woman Victor helped earlier in the week at work when she got a paper cut. VICTOR: Oh hey, uhh. How's it going? How's the hand? WOMAN: You know, I think I'll live. VICTOR: You, you work here? WOMAN: Oh no I'm just uhhm- The woman is interrupted by car horns. Victor tosses another bottle of Bepto in the back seat of his car. WOMAN (cont): - doing a show here later tonight. VICTOR: Ohh I didn't know, I didn't know this was a gallery. WOMAN: It wasn't until this morning, but, I was looking for a good space to this and this was the cheapest place I could find, so, voila. VICTOR: Alright, cool. WOMAN: But you should uhhm, you should stop by later. VICTOR: Yeah, yeah, for sure. WOMAN: Yeah? You totally should. VICTOR: Yeah, yeah, for sure. Uhh, I'll see ya, see ya then. WOMAN: Bring your friends. VICTOR: Alright. CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - NIGHT Victor logs onto his computer and enters a chatroom called "I am bored". As GHOSTBOY19, he asks the chat "hey guys anyone want to go to an art show?" Victor waits for a reply with a blank expression, which quickly turns into a look contemplating why he was even asking them. CUT TO: ART GALLERY - NIGHT Victor exits the car and proceeds to enter the art gallery. The woman is fixing a painting while the music plays. He walks up to her. VICTOR: Hey. WOMAN: Hey! She places the painting down on the ground. WOMAN (cont): You came! VICTOR: Uhh, uhh, you're really good at this. WOMAN: Thanks. I try. Victor points at one of the paintings as the woman picks up a wine gla**. VICTOR: Whose this? WOMAN: Why, you want her number? Ha, ha. She was, a girl at my art school. She's kinda odd, never really said much, kinda like you. Ha. VICTOR: Did you uhh, sell anything today? WOMAN: No. VICTOR: Uhh, how much for this one? WOMAN: Who, her? You wouldn't want her hanging up at your place. I found out a few months after painting her she was murdered. VICTOR: Uhh, what happened? WOMAN: All I know is, apparently they found her in her apartment chopped up into little tiny pieces. Sick sh**. VICTOR: That's uhh, that's really sad. The woman walks away from Victor and the painting and down towards the hallway. WOMAN: So you'll believe anything, huh? Ha ha. She goes down into the hallway as Victor looks at her. She motions for him. WOMAN (cont): C'mon. Wine bottle in hand, she heads up a ladder. Victor follows. CUT TO: ART GALLERY ROOF - NIGHT WOMAN: I always wanted to fly. Just be able to pick up and go, no matter where you are, no matter what's happening around you, you could just, fly away. I know that sounds so f**ing cliche, but I guess when you're little dreams are such a big part of your life. Big part of who you are. VICTOR: Yeah. I mean, nah, no, that doesn't, that doesn't sound corny. Not at, not at all. WOMAN: Well what about you? What was your dream? What is your dream? VICTOR: I don't, I don't know. I uhh, I don't really dream that much. You kinda get tired, tired of them, not coming true I guess, so, I don't really, like having them. CUT TO: BEDROOM - NIGHT The screen cuts to a pa**ionate Victor and woman making love in the bed. The light is flashing colors of red, blue, and green. They are seen in many different positions from many different camera angles as it switches between them and fireworks. CUT TO: ART GALLERY ROOF - NIGHT WOMAN: Well aren't you a downer? She puts the wine bottle into Victor's hands. As she heads up further onto the roof's incline. WOMAN (cont): Take this. Take it. Ha ha. Come up here. VICTOR: Nah, I'm, I'm okay. WOMAN: Are you scared? VICTOR: No, uhh, I'm just, not going up there. WOMAN: C'mon! Come up here. Victor looks down at the ground and the woman comes back down to him, starting to pull him. WOMAN (cont): Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on. Come on. There we go. They are up on the roof overlooking the city. WOMAN (cont): See? You don't have to be so afraid. VICTOR: I'm, I'm not. A bit of silence ensues and Victor leans over to kiss her. CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - DAY Victor is sleeping in bed. As he wakes up and leans over, we see the woman laying next to him. He gets out of bed quietly and heads to the shower. CUT TO: VICTOR'S BATHROOM - DAY Victor is humming a song in the shower as he cleans himself up. VICTOR: Hmmm, hmmm, getting on the floor. As he dances in the shower the shower rod collapses and he quickly puts it back up into place. He then steps out of the shower. CUT TO: VICTOR'S ROOM - DAY Victor walks out into his room and sees the woman gone and a note on top of his sheets. He picks it up and it reads, "Had to run, fun time last night". Below it is her number, "(621)-456-3227". Victor smiles a bit and quickly realizes his fatal mistake. He rushes to the computer, still in his towel, and logs onto Mr. Happy's website, scrolling down to find a number to contact the service. He paces back and forth across the living room trying to wait for someone to answer until the call cuts out. A loud banging is heard on his door as it is forced open by a shadowy figure. VICTOR: Can I, uhh, can I help you? SHADOWY FIGURE: You called didn't you? VICTOR: Uhh, I just called, but, uhh, no, nobody picked up, and I was trying to, I was calling so that I could cancel, I need to cancel. SHADOWY FIGURE: Look, I know I didn't drive all the way out here for nothing. VICTOR: No, no, there's no, I'm saying that I made a mistake. I made a mistake, I need, I can't, uhh, I, I don't wanna go through with this anymore. SHADOWY FIGURE: Look, the pipes aren't gonna fix themselves. VICTOR: What, pipes? The shadowy figure steps into the apartment's light to reveal it is simply a JANITOR. JANITOR: Wait a minute. This isn't 606. Hey man. VICTOR: This is, this is 609 JANITOR: You need to fix that. Pardon me man, sorry for the inconvenience. You have a good day. CUT TO: SUPPLY GUYZ PARKING LOT - DAY Victor is walking away from work as Reed is locking up the garage door. REED: Hey Vic, wait up man. You wanna do some X tonight, maybe hit the strip club? VICTOR: Uhh, no. no thank you uhh... REED: You wanna maybe do some c**aine, for your nose? VICTOR: Uhh, no thanks. REED: You sure man? Pretty sure Ka-Titty Cat's working there tonight, remember her? Tattoos up and down her body, big ole' titties, like big ole' titties. You just wanna rub your face in there. CUT TO: RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON We see two big men eating at the bar while Victor is in the back making a phone call to the woman. WOMAN: Hello? VICTOR: Hey, uhh, it's Victor. WOMAN: Ohh, hi. VICTOR: Hey, uhh, I was, uhh, this, this is gonna sound weird but I was wondering if, uhh, you wanna come up to my uncle's cabin with me. Uhh, it could be like a uhh, it could be like a little Valentine's Day getaway thing. The two men seated at the bar start to turn around and stare at Victor. WOMAN: Uhhm, okay. VICTOR: Uhh, uhh, I mean like, I mean like, that, that's not necessarily my cup of tea either, like I jus-, I just, yeah. That'd be so cool. WOMAN: Ha. Alright well, what are you going to be able to get off work? (echos) The biggest of the two men is getting up and moving towards Victor's table. He stops near the table and we see a lady approach him. LADY: Hey Theo! THEO: Hey, it's so good to see you! I've been talking to your mom about all the stuff you do. Come have a seat. Victor looks confused and then stares back down at his phone. CUT TO: OPEN ROAD - AFTERNOON We see Victor's car driving with him and the girl driving up to his uncle's cabin in the woods. WOMAN: It's beautiful up here. Victor smiles at her then swerves back into his lane. WOMAN (cont): LOL! Victor and the woman share a laugh as the two continue on the road. WOMAN (cont): What are you thinking about? VICTOR: Actually, uhh, nothing. Uhh, for once. Just, having a really good time. The woman stares at him for a bit then leans on his shoulder at the sun goes down. A couple cuts later and the car pulls up to a gas station. The woman wakes up from her sleep. CUT TO: GAS STATION - NIGHT WOMAN: Well, did we make it? VICTOR: Almost, we're like, like 30 minutes out. Just got to get some gas real quick. WOMAN: Ha. Best Valentine's Day ever. Well, I have to pee. She leaves the car and heads for the bathroom. Victor does the same and picks up the gas nozzle. The camera stares at Victor from the front, and pans around to his side as he is filling up his tank. We see a black glove holding a gun with a silencer appear behind him. One shot is fired at the back of his head at point blank range. Blood spatters over his back window and he falls onto the car, then to the ground. The camera cut's to the k**er's face, the woman. The woman stares down at him as the car that Victor stared at in the connivence store parking lot a couple days earlier drives up behind her. MR. HAPPY gets into the as we see the license plate, which reads "MRHAPPY". As the car drives off the camera cuts back to Victor: a bullet wound through his forehead and a smile on his face as he stares down the camera. VOICEOVER: At Mr. Happy, we wanna make sure every customer, future customer, and relatives of past customers are completely satisfied. Please stay on the line until a represenative can answer your questions thoughtfully and carefully. CUT TO: ART GALLERY - NIGHT Mr. Happy is seen hanging up a photo she painted of Victor in the same style as the rest of her paintings.