I'm gonna tell you a story 'Bout a hero of the old wild west He had the power and the glory And everyone knew Jim was the best So when there used to be a gunfight Jimmy was fast on the draw People dying in the sunlight He was the meanest draw you ever saw BUT NOW! (Chorus) He's kind to the ladies Father of some babies He's the best gunfighter in the whole damned town He sits by the fire Old, bold and tired He's the best gunfighter in town Now Jim was looking for a lover So every girl had to run 'n' hide And as they quickly ran for cover He came hunting for a brand new bride BUT NOW! (Chorus) Now he finally found his loved-one Or should we say: she found him Her tongue was faster than his handgun That was the end of our old mean Jim BUT NOW! (Chorus) He writes to his mother - tells her not to bother He's losing all his hair - and he doesn't even care Church every Sunday - working every Monday