Various Artists - Pirelli's Miracle Elixir lyrics

[Instrumental break] [TOBY] Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention, please! Do you wake every morning in shame and despair To discover your pillow is covered with hair Or ought not to be there? Well, ladies and gentlemen From now on you can waken at ease! You need never again have a worry or care I will show you a miracle, marvelous, rare Gentleman, you are about to see something Wot rose from the dead! On the top of my head [TOBY & ENSEMBLE] T'was Pirelli's Miracle Elixir That's what did the trick, sir True, sir, true Was it quick sir? Did it in a tick, sir Just like an elixir Ought to do! [TOBY] How about a bottle mister? Only costs a penny guaranteed Does Pirelli's Stimulate the growth, sir? You can have my oath, sir 'Tis unique Rub a minute Stimulatin', i'nt? Soon you'll have to thin it Once a week! [TODD] Pardon me ma'm what's that awful stench? [MRS. LOVETT] Are we standing near an open trench? [MRS. LOVETT (said with Sweeney)] Pardon me sir what's that awful stench? [TODD (said with Lovett)] Must be standing near an open trench [TOBY] Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir Anything more slick, sir, soon sprouts curls Try Pirelli's When they see how thick, sir You can have your pick, sir Of the girls! Wanna buy a bottle misses? [TODD] What is this? [MRS. LOVETT] What is this? [TODD] Smells like p**s [MRS. LOVETT] Smells like, ew! [TODD (said with Lovett)] What is this? This is p**s. p**s with ink [MRS. LOVETT (said with Sweeney)] I wouldn't touch it if i was you, dear [TOBY] Let pirelli's activate your roots, sir [TODD] Keep it off your boots, sir, eats right through [TOBY] Yes get pirelli's use a bottle of it Ladies seem to love it [MRS. LOVETT] Flies do too