Tub Ring - Two Noses lyrics

I'm a happy guy I've got a happy life Two happy kids And a happy wife Flowers are blooming It's a beautiful day I've got an upper cla** job With upper cla** pay But I've got a little problem You see, with me A major physical deformity It takes me twice as long To stop and smell the roses 'Cause I've had to live my life Having two noses kids understand They think it's neat At birthday parties I'm an added treat Wife loves me for my mind Doesn't care about my looks She's so damn kind It's really no fun When the nostrils Of both noses run Yeah, that really s**s And when I think back To my days of grammar school I was the one who got picked on When the kids were being cruel A major problem in high school Was if you had acne tell you Pinocchio had nothing on me Summer, I used a surplus of zinc oxide Spring, allergy season caused me to hide Winter would come along and noses would freeze Autumn was not so bad The smell of burning leaves Paid real well So my job's okay I'm the head tester Of nasal spray Boss thinks I'm weird But I don't care I just do my job And I'm outta there I'll fill you in on What's my personal hell When someone farts I get twice the smell Another duty that can prove To be a scare is when I have to trim my nostril hair Just so you know It's in my head I'll get a nose job Before I'm dead Years of planning have gone into this I'll get the left nose trimmed 'Cause it's too big, yeah I've got to get that taken care of You know you put your left nose in You put your left nose out And you put your left nose in And then you shake it all about You do the hokey pokey And you turn yourself around That's what it's all about I've got two noses I've got two noses Why'd this have to happen to me